No Better Version of Me Than When I'm With You

Chapter 12

Dinner and the board game they played afterwards went much smoother than the beginning of the night. Nick was perfectly relaxed, and Thomas amicable, no obvious tension between any of them. Though he noticed Tommy's gaze flickering when Nick leaned over to kiss him on the cheek when Newt made a particularly good move.

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"So, Thomas said something to me when you were inside fixing dinner that got me thinking." Nick said as they walked out to his car later that night.

"What?" Newt asked warily, looking over at him. He seemed almost resigned to something.

"He asked me if I can handle your depressive episodes. And he said he knows how much I care about you, but needs to know if I'm the one who's good for you."

Newt rolled his eyes, "He says that to everyone."

"Okay sure but. . .Newt." Nick sighed and turned to face him as they stopped beside his car. "I really like you, I really really do, but I don't think this is going to work."

"What? Why?" Newt gaped, feeling blindsided. Had the night not gone as well as he thought it had?

"Here's the thing, I'm not blind." Nick said, meeting his gaze with an intensity he knew he had to take seriously. "I knew going into this it would be a little different, given that you're married to your best friend. I thought maybe it could work; but I realize now that it can't."

"Why?" Newt pushed, more confused than ever.

"Because I can see the way Thomas looks at you, Newt. There's things you won't let me in on about you, that you easily let him in on."

"Because he's my best friend."

"But I'm your boyfriend, I should be able to be in on those things too. And I'm not saying this in any bad way, it just made me realize something. That I'm not the one you're in love with, despite how much you want it to be." He smiled sadly, "And that's okay. Really, I don't want to go on bad terms, so I thought I'd share my thought process and I'm not surprised it turned out this way."

"So you're. . .breaking up with me? That's not fair, Nick. I don't know if you can see it but I'm not in love with him." Newt scoffed, feeling defensive now. "He's just Tommy, he's just my. . .I dunno, my best friend, my platonic soulmate, my - Tommy."

Nick gave a little chuckle and shook his head, "Yeah, he's your Tommy alright. I think you should talk to him. I know you don't want to, or don't believe me. But please, if there's anything I want you to do for me, it's this. Talk to him, I think you'll find you're both on the same page and don't even know it."

"Not you too, Nick." Newt snapped, frustration boiling over. "Minho and Brenda and fucking. . . everyone else has been up my ass about these bloody feelings I supposedly have for him."

"If everyone's been telling you about it, why haven't you and Thomas talked about it then?" Nick retorted, finally sounding upset, a pleading sort of frustration creeping into his voice. "If it turns out I'm wrong, then fantastic. Let me know. But just go talk to him first, please."

For a long moment, Newt just stared at him, trying to process what had just happened. Nick was breaking up with him. Over Thomas. Frustration spilled over into anger at the nerve of it all, and he threw up his hands. "Fine." The word came out harsh and ragged, and he realized his throat had closed up. He was on the verge of tears. Why was he on the verge of tears? It didn't matter. He was pissed, and wanted nothing to do with Nick, or Thomas, or anyone, ever again. Without saying another word, he stormed back into the house and shut himself in the guest bedroom with a slam of the door. He didn't answer Thomas' knocks, his words, or his texts asking what was wrong, and simply curled up into a ball under the blanket and tried to block out the world.