No Better Version of Me Than When I'm With You

Chapter 10

When he could breathe without hiccupping, he explained tearily to Newt what his mom had called to say, and why he was so worried. Only once did he dissolve back into tears - why couldn't he hold himself together? The powerful emotions and lack of control over them made him angry, which only made him cry all the harder. He buried his face back into Newt's shoulder and tried to let his soothing whispers and hand that rubbed up and down his back calm him.

"I'm sorry." Thomas whispered hoarsely several minutes later. "Chuck just means so much to me, and I. . .and now everything feels like too much. I feel like I'm letting you down." His cheek rested against the soft material of Newt's sleeping shirt and traced his fingers along his collarbone that peeked out of the loose neckline in a familiar pattern.

"Letting me down? Not possible, Tommy." Newt replied in swift reassurance.

"But like. . ." Thomas sighed, hopelessness building again, "don't you feel like I trapped you in this marriage with me? You didn't ask for this. . .this. . sham."

"I have never felt more free than right now, with you." Came Newt's soft reply, not one ounce of hesitation. Then he chuckled lightly, "And for the record, I did actually ask for this. But - where is all this coming from?"

Thomas considered his question and silence fell for several long moments. He felt Newt's heartbeat under his fingers beating a slow and steady pace. "I'm just worried we rushed into it. What if we have some falling out and this fails? What then?"

"Should I be expecting divorce papers in the near future?" Newt joked, trying to lighten the mood. Thomas chuckled halfheartedly, but still waited for a proper answer. He felt Newt take a breath and then swallow, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "No, we won't fail. And you wanna know why? 'Cause we're a team - have been for years now. Yeah, we've had our rows, our ups and downs, but even through this" -Newt tapped his ring and then Thomas'- "we'll make it work and come out the other side all the stronger for it. I'm in this for the long-haul, Tommy, don't you dare think otherwise. We won't fail because you're you and I'm me and neither of us are the giving up sort."

Thomas let out a breath and nodded, "You're right. If anyone can make this work, it's us."

"Exactly." Newt agreed with an air of finality. They were silent for so long afterwards Thomas felt himself beginning to drift off, the exhaustion from crying and worry for his brother weighing him down like a ton of bricks.

Before he fell asleep, he whispered a thank you to Newt, who just smiled at him and pressed a light kiss to his temple in answer.

------

"You remember the day you asked me to drive in that absolute downpour to buy you some tomatoes?" Brenda asked, laughing as she took another drink from her glass. "The things I'd do for y'all."

It was now a Saturday in late August, the evening that he and Newt had planned to get together with all of their friends all those weeks ago, their plans having actually worked out for once. Thomas hadn't wanted to after the news a few days ago about Chuck being in the hospital, and subsequently finding out that he had pneumonia and needed treatment for it, but Newt had convinced him that this would be the perfect distraction.

The six of them were gathered in the living room after dinner that had been a joint effort between Frypan and Newt while the rest of them played board games and hung out in the living room. So far, it had been a great afternoon and was shaping up to be an even better evening.

Minho and Gally sprawled on the floor in front of the couch, while Brenda sat on the far end of the couch next to Thomas. On his left on the other side of the couch sat Newt. In the middle of all of them sat the coffee table, currently filled with a game of Sorry in full swing.