Golden Rain [COMPLETE]

°•° 5 °•°

"I know," she whispered. "I know..."

I watched her try to control her hiccuping breaths before slowly asking, "Then what's wrong?"

She shook her head, squeezing my hand tighter. "Kasi, I can tell I'm not..." She swallowed back another shuttering cry. "I'm not doing very well."

I furrowed my brows. "What are you talking about? You're getting a lot bet-"

She tilted her head toward me, her eyes filled with desperation and stopping me from finishing my protest. "No, Kasi. I'm not. I can tell. I... I feel myself drowning so much more." She choked and had to pause before continuing. "If it wasn't for you and Abby, I don't think I would still be here. I can't-" She couldn't finish.

My chest tightened with fear and concern. I had seen her like this before. "Bree, you know that's just the fear talking. I'm here for you. Even if our parents have been a little difficult recently, they're here for you. And little Abby, even if you haven't met her yet, is here for you, depending on you to get better. But you're both so strong and I know that everything is going to be fine. I believe in you."

She shook her head, hopelessness taking over her expression. "Please, Kason. Don't try to convince me everything is okay. I'm... I'm not okay. I can't... I..." She choked up again, and the one word I hated with a passion escaped her lips. "Dilan."

"He's an idiot who doesn't deserve even a thought in your mind," I growled.

"That's not what I meant," she whispered as she tried to take even breaths.

"Then what do you mean?"

"I mean Abigail. What... I can't..."

And suddenly, I realized what this was about. "Bree, no. You're going to get through this and be a wonderful mom to Abby. I know it. You-"

"Kason, please. We both know that I'm not ready for this. I wasn't ready before Dilan left... I'm not physically or mentally prepared to take care of her. I love her. So much but... I just can't."

My heart broke at how much pain she seemed to be in, at the way war waged in her emotions and expression.

She sniffled, adding, "And if I can't take care of her and Dilan can't then..." Pausing, she blinked which caused more tears to soak her cheeks. Then, she turned her watery, pleading gaze to me.

From the intensity in her eyes and the way she was wording things, everything clicked. "No." I shook my head, standing and turning away.

"Kason, please," she pleaded.

I felt my breathing becoming ragged. What she was implying was... insane. "Bree, I love you and I love Abigail, but I can't..." I laughed breathily, not from the situation being funny but because this was crazy.

"Kasi, I don't know what else to do," she sobbed.

"What about Mom and Dad? They've had two kids before. They could do it."

"You know how they've been since all of this started... They barely even talk to me anymore. They wouldn't want to do this and I don't want to ask them to..." Her eyes grew more desperate. "Please, Kasi," she mumbled. "You're the only one I trust."

I stared at her, my mind spinning and spiraling out of control. I knew it might have been selfish of me, but there was no possible way I would be able to take care of Abigail. I was only twenty three. I was in college and trying to figure out this whole stupid situation with Mora and pay my apartment bill and make sure Kaybree wasn't drowning. I couldn't take care of a baby.

But looking at her, I knew there was less of a way that she could. She was right. She was hurting so bad. Her body was weak and could barely take care of itself. She was still dealing with the stress and trauma of what Dilan did and how quickly he left. Even though I hated to admit it, she was still struggling with whatever made her lock herself in her room and put scars on her beautiful skin.