𝙼𝚊𝚍𝚕𝚢 | 𝙷𝚢𝚞𝚗𝙻𝚒𝚡𝙸𝚗

54

I can't exist without my art. I've never been able to. Even when I was younger, at the age of five I was drawing my tantrums away, only to get in trouble again because my canvas ended up being my mothers freshly dried, newly painted walls.

My brush stopped mid canvas as I let the thoughts slowly roll back in. I can't exist without my art, that's true. But after all that's happened, I can't exist with them either. Yet I was letting myself be petty and closed off. No matter how much my brain was trying to convince me to push Jeongin away, I knew my heart would fail without him.

I slowly put my paint brush down into the cup of water, turning my head towards my closed bedroom door. Stop being so stubborn. He's just a few feet away.

I stood, walking faster to keep myself from second guessing my actions like before. And then I stood at the foot of his bed. Admiring the way he curled himself into Felix.

It was odd timing for Felix's tired eyes to slowly pop open. As if he sensed me here. His brows were furrowed in confusion for a minute, like he was still trying to register his surroundings.

"What are you doing?" He whispered and I didn't know how to answer.

"I- I don't know." Here I was again, second guessing myself.

Felix reached over Jeongin pulling the covers back and patting the empty space behind the younger. "Come here baby."

I looked eyes with the younger blonde, silently thanking him for offering so I had a full reason to be present in this room. I walked around to the side of the bed, sliding myself behind Jeongin. I brought the covers up around my shoulders and rested my head against the same pillow.

It was almost like an automatic reaction for the younger to roll around and press himself against me. His face buried in my chest as the covers rose over his head. I sighed, relieved at the feeling of his warmth and holding him in my arms.

I locked eyes with Felix as he gave me a tired smile. "He cares for you deeply, you know."

I nodded, knowing the whole truth behind those words. "I know."

"That kiss.. Hyunjin. Whether it meant something to him or not, I don't think he would've reacted the way he did to you being upset if he didn't want to be with you."

"I do. I just- I was just scared." I pressed my lips to the top of the younger boys blue hair, leaving behind a gentle caress. "I didn't want to be replaced."

"You won't be replaced." Felix scooted even closer, sandwiching Jeongin between us. I felt his arm drape over the both of us like a like curtain of protection. His eyes never left mine. He stared into me as if he was thinking. Debating whether to keep talking in hushed tones or remain silent.

He chose the latter. "I'm glad you came in here."

"Me too." I smiled, the boy in my arms taking in a big breath before going back to his relaxed paced breathing.

"You forgive him right?"

"Of course I do." I paused. "I wanted to remain upset, but.. this stupid beating organ in my chest wouldn't let me." I lightly chuckled, hoping it wouldn't wake Jeongin.

Felix kissed the boys head, then moved his arm up slowly to trace his thumb over my cheek. "Im glad that 'stupid beating organ' got the point across then."

We remained there in silence. Felix eventually dosed back off into a peaceful content sleep. While I remained awake, glancing back and forth between the two of them. I had a small smile permanently painted on my lips as the two of them slept and embraced me.

If I'd ever felt true peace before it was nothing compared to how I felt in this moment. Nothing compared to how beautifully content I was here in this bed. I would never in my right mind let this feeling go.

My anger was brief. Pointless, wavering the second I saw him. Both of them. I wish I would've come in here sooner. Maybe I could've talked to Jeongin, talked it out with him. Explain why I was so upset about it, let him explain what happened.

But maybe it was a conversation meant for tomorrow. A conversation that needed to wait. But either way, I was fine now. My anger was long gone, replaced with utter adoration and joy to be holding him. To be laying here with both of them.

Cause maybe the conversation meant for tomorrow was when I came to could finally muster up enough courage to tell him how I felt. To reveal why my heart was so quick to convince me to forgive.

Maybe tomorrow was the day I would finally tell him I love him.

——

[A/N]

Not me realizing there still so many chapters left to go before reaching the end. So many more events to happen, so much more emotional rollercoaster rides and emotional damage. We aren't even close to the end yet.

I hope you guys are looking forward to the rest of the journey with our dear Hyunlixin, it'll be a little bumpy.

I hope you lovelies are doing okay, mentally and physically. Know you can contact me on here anytime you need to and I will answer. It may not be right away, but I will always answer you guys. But please make sure you are taking care of yourself in all aspects. Drinking water and making sure to eat, pausing to take a deep breath and try to relax. Taking a moment to just clear your mind and take in a pretty view. I love you all dearly.

Until my next update honeybees. 🐝🍯💛