"It was you... The one I fell in love with. This entire time, it was you."
***
It all started with the end.
Han Jisung─an orphan whose only goal for the future is to build a better life for himself and his sister─and Lee Minho─also known as...
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Listen to Darkest Part by Red for this chapter.
"I know he's not like that. Hyung is not like them."
The little plastic spider in Felix's hands did not reply. Instead, it stared blankly with all eight of its eyes, and Felix's sad reflection beamed in their darkness.
After a moment of silence in the dimly lit office, he sighed.
"Spidey─" he closed his eyes─ "he got a man killed in front of his children. That man shouldn't have been... Changbin shouldn't have been that cruel. I thought..." He frowned. "Am I in the wrong for losing my shit?"
Felix wanted to believe that the spider said, 'Bitch, you have every right to be mad at him. Period!' but its face screamed, 'I'm a fucking plastic spider.'
With yet another sigh, he smashed his head against the desk and kicked his feet in frustration.
'I'm going crazy.' He looked at the spider. 'It's my fault. I gave a fucked-up man a chance thinking he was different, but now I'm the fucked up one. I brought this pain upon myself. I knew who I had to stay away from and still...'
He threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. His chest felt tight and heavy again. There was not a second of the day when it didn't hurt. He was so fucking done, but he couldn't stop longing for him ─ the side of Seo Changbin that he fell in love with. The good side he was convinced he once had. His gentleness. The soft eyes, the smiles, the laughs, the sweet words, the promises, the memories.
Felix knew Changbin was a gangster when he decided to be with him, but he believed he was different. In his fantasy, Seo Changbin was misunderstood; not like the cold-blooded brutes who worked for Felix's father and who hurt him as a child.
Those men put weapons in his hands, made him kill, made him sin, made him cry, and told him to man up, to be stronger, to be ruthless, to be a man of the Park clan, just like his father. Those men were the reason his mother fled the country, leaving him alone with the monster who fathered him. They were the reason he had to grow up in a barbarian world, surrounded by the sight, smell, and touch of death. And Changbin was not like them.
