𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐇 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 [slow updates]

𝟑𝟎

CINDY

I don't remember the last time I was this excited about something... and nervous, too.

All morning, I've just been counting the minutes, waiting for this amazing date that Levin's going to plan all on his own.

He told me he didn't want me worrying about a single thing, moving a muscle. The guy went as far as to tell me that he was going to pick me up... as in, literally pick me up off of the ground and carry me around.

The fat, pregnant lady side of me hopes he was joking, but my even fatter pregnant woman within is pleased by the idea. Walking for longer than five minutes at a time is currently the single most devastating task for me.

Levin's busy today with training and meetings, so we won't be going out until later. He told me he was going to handle everything, that we can meet at his apartment. I can't wait to see where he lives. Is that weird?

We're always at my house, so this is new. Just like this date is new, and I love the sense of... I don't even know what to call it. But everything feels new and amazing with this new and amazing guy, and UGH. I'm in heaven right now.

Well, I'm actually at my parents house, and as much as I adore their home, it isn't exactly haven.

Mom has a doctor's appointment today and Dad wants to take her out for lunch, so I'm babysitting Eryn and Cole. Not that Cole really needs babysitting. He's mostly just keeping his sisters company while he reads.

I'm feeding Eryn a bottle while I watch TV, Cole reading on the loveseat.

This whole first-ish date thing has me a little worried. I don't know what we're gonna be doing, and I don't know if he's one of those guys. What if he tells me to dress fancy when I need to dress casual, but he can't tell because he's a dude? But he has sisters, so—

"Cindy, I can hear you thinking from here." Cole tells me, making a little noise that I guess is meant to be a laugh.

I frown at him, not saying anything.

"What are you thinking about?" He asks.

I shrug. "Levin's planning a date for me."

He puts his book down, marking his place with a bookmark I got him for his birthday. Oh, God. He's invested.

"What are you guys doing?"

Seriously wish I knew.

It's not like me to get anxious over something like this, but I can't help it. He's new. And that's amazing, but I don't know how to act on a date anymore. Especially if I'm not the one putting things together.

I sink into the couch. "I think I might be a little bit of a control freak, Cole."

He raises a brow like this isn't news to him. To be honest, it isn't really news to me either. I've been told a few times that I'm not the most open to change, and I'm just now remembering how I had a breakdown over ending my relationship with my ex-fiancé.

And not just because I loved him, but because I didn't like the thought of my life shifting like that, so suddenly.

After a moment, my brother says, "You know what? I just think that you like seeing things out. You like getting your hands dirty, and... That's not a bad thing."

God, why is he good at this? I mean, he makes it sound like this great, admirable quality, but it's really not. It's such a huge setback. I like things comfortable, and the second things suck, I turn into a ball of nerves.

"But it is." I whine, groaning.

The baby whines too, pushing the bottle away with her little hands. There's barely anything left, so I take it from her and put it on the end table.

"I want to trust that he can do this and make it amazing, but..." I continue, leaning back into the couch and staring at a stain from a sticky hand on the ceiling. "When has anyone ever planned a date for me? I've always done the planning."

"Well, now you're not dating a douche. Now, you get to sit back and relax. So... Relax. Please?"

He has that worried-little-brother look. I hate it, so I point to his book and start burping our baby sister. He takes the hint, picking up his book.

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Once Mom and Dad came back, I said my goodbyes and headed home.

Cole definitely helped me feel better, but I'm still a little nervous.

As soon as I get home, I shower to get the smell of baby off of me, then I dress myself in something comfortable.

Levin won't be here for a little while, and I have no idea how I should dress for this date.

I decide to text him, asking him what he thinks I should wear. And then I proceed to ask him what time he's coming, if we're going to be getting something to eat, if he has something to wear picked out.

I'm in the middle of typing out a whole nother paragraph, but I stop myself, tossing my phone onto my bed.

"What am I doing?" I groan into my hands. And then I groan louder. "WHAT AM I DOOOOOING?"

I need words. A book.

I head out to my living room, taking a seat on the floor by the book cart.

There are so many books—new ones and old ones, ones I've reread hundreds of times and some I bought in high school and still haven't opened.

All of these books range from romance to horror to philosophy, but there's mostly romances and dramas staring back at me.

Why can't I be a book girl? Like, a girl in a book. One of these books. I'd be able to brush these feelings away, be able to live a somewhat anxiety free life because I wouldn't be real. And I wouldn't be worried about my dream guy not providing me with my dream date.

Groaning into my hands one more time, I decide that I can just brush these feelings away. I trust Levin. He's got this under control, and I need to stop worrying so much.

I pick up a random book with a bookmark already in it and start reading there on the floor until my back is too sore and I have to go sit on the couch.

Levin will respond to my texts, ridding me of my worries. He'll come pick me up and we'll have an amazing time together. Everything will be fine.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE
somewhat edited
Short chapter :cc! I've had no motivation to write lately, so if this sucks, blame writer's block. I don't want to leave this book unfinished, so I'm gonna try to push through lol. Thank you for reading!! Happy holidays :)!