Dazzling Light | Kang Yeosang

11

It was one night when Yeosang was sleeping that you came outside- you were at a cabin on the beach. You gazed at the full moon for a long time, hoping the wind would take away all the fear in your heart.

You didn't know how long you stood there thinking when you felt Yeosang approach you, smiling when he wrapped his arms around you in a back-hug. "What are you doing out? It's cold."

"Taking a breather from you," you teased, and Yeosang pretended to be hurt. You sighed, wondering if you should tell him.

"Yeosang... Can we talk?"

"If it's about what I think it is, nope," Yeosang buried his nose at the crook of your neck. You rolled your eyes because he could be very stubborn, but...

"Yeosang... I think you should move on before something happens to you."

"And there it is," Yeosang mumbled, "I can't hear you right now."

"Yeosang," you turned, almost crying, "You're not yourself anymore- you're not the lively, strong, active person that I met. I can see it, and I know you can feel it too. You're hurting, and I can't take it."

"If I can take it, then you can too."

"No," you shook your head, "Think about me, will you? If something happens to you because of me, do you think I will be able to live with myself?" Yeosang's eyes were incredibly sad as he looked at you, and you continued, "I wouldn't want to live anymore- not after everything that's happened. I can't live without you if something happens to you because of me, but I think I can live with myself if you move on and I know that I saved you."

Yeosang caressed your face, "Do you think I could ever find peace, and... happiness- whatever we think afterlife holds us for- if I move on? What will I do? If I'm without you for eternity, what will I do, love? You'll live your short human life and die and maybe we could meet in the heavens-"

"Not if I go to hell," you mumbled, and Yeosang pinched your nose.

"This is no time to joke. I cannot move on with the hope that maybe, if I'm lucky, I might meet you up there after you die. I simply cannot move on knowing that there's a chance that we might never reunite again."

"But... I cannot hold you back here, I cannot let something happen to you. I cannot be selfish."

"You don't have to be," Yeosang's voice was rough, "I'll be selfish. You know why? Because I cannot move on knowing that you'd be living here without me hovering around you every minute. I cannot move on knowing that you'll be looking at other people with the hope of finding love-"

"I could never love after this, you know that," you put your head on his chest and he ran his fingers through your hair.

"I cannot leave you behind knowing that you'll be sad. I could make you forget, but... I am selfish, and if I move on, I would not want you to forget. But I cannot make you live with the pain, so... I'm not going anywhere."

"That's a very twisted logic."

"Shh," Yeosang smiled, pulling your face up with his fingers, "How beautiful you are, love. I don't regret a single second of us, and I could never. If I burn loving you, so be it. If your kiss is the last thing I feel, I'd be the happiest."

You rolled your eyes but kissed him, letting him pick you up and you straddled his waist as he kissed you back, still holding your face just as tenderly as the first time but a newfound desire in the way he kissed you this time, and perhaps it was the romantic breeze caressing you both that made you bolder, made you drop off only to push him back on the sand, kissing each other like it was the last time, and when Yeosang bent upwards, shirt off, he let his wings free, and you marvelled at the sheer majestic size of it.