Vanished

Jameson

It took me two hours to get home, and I didn't remember a second of it.

My brother was in the living room, stacking yet another box on the pile of things we were bringing with us. It looked like a lot, but in reality, it wasn't. We always rented furnished places, so the only things we brought with us were our clothes and personal things. Mostly computer equipment, phones, hygiene items, important documents, and Bear's stuff.

"Hey, you're late," he said when I walked in and let the door close hard behind me. Bear barked and spun around, happy that I was finally home. I wished I could share his enthusiasm, but I didn't.

I ignored both of them and walked directly into the kitchen, where I pulled out the bottle of Jameson we kept in the kitchen cabinet. I unscrewed the cap out and took a couple of deep swallows straight from the bottle.

"What the hell is wrong?" my brother asked in a worried tone as he appeared in the door opening.

I shook my head and opted for another mouthful of whiskey instead of answering him.

"Bro..."

I closed my eyes and took a second to just feel the burn the whiskey created inside my chest. Hoping it could warm me up and thaw what had frozen in there earlier, at the same time as I wanted it to dull the memory of Ellie.

Although I doubted no amount of alcohol would. It had never worked in the past, and I questioned if anything could ever numb the way I felt for her.

She'd looked devastated.

Because of me.

When I opened my eyes again, my brother was studying me and there was a deep, worried wrinkle between his eyebrows.

"Ellie cornered me in my office today," I admitted.

"What?" He asked as his eyes widened. "She's here? In Boston?"

I nodded and went to tip the bottle for another drink, but my brother was faster and snatched it right out of my hand.

"Come on, man. What happened?" he demanded and placed the bottle on the table, out of my reach.

I was a total asshole, that's what happened.

I threw my hands out. "She recognized me..."

He rolled his eyes like I was stupid, and maybe I was. Because when I saw Ellie standing there, in my office, with her hair lightly curled, her blue eyes moving all over me like she appreciated what she saw and a slight pout on her shiny pink lips, I thought I was dreaming.

But then she said my name. Technically, she said "Austin" and I hadn't been him for ten years, but the sound of it... It was like the way she used to say it when we were intimate, all breathy and hoarse...

My body had reacted to it and for a second, I'd thought everything in the world would be okay. That things were finally working out. That she was back for me... and that we would have a chance of being together... to find our happily ever after. My heart had skipped a beat and my body had felt the familiar tug towards her.

And then I'd remembered.

"I figured that when you said she cornered you," my brother declared irritatedly. He walked over to the kitchen counter and leaned his hip up against it. "The question is, what did you do about it?"

The second hardest thing of my life. Second to walking out that night ten years earlier in Georgia knowing I couldn't tell her I was leaving.

"I blew her off. Told her I had a date."

"Oh, fuck." He sighed, knowing what that had cost me.

I ran my hands up over my face and into my short, too short, hair. The look on her face...

It had broken my heart to lie to her like that, but I had to in order to keep her safe. Any connection to me could potentially hurt her since we still didn't know who it was that was following us, and I needed her to be safe. Her safety mattered more to me than anything else. Even my own heartache. Hence the alcohol.

"Did she believe you?" my brother asked, his tone softer.

"Which part?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm not sure. How many parts were there?"

A joyless laughter escaped my mouth.

"I'm pretty sure she thought I had a date. Dana interrupted at a perfect time and asked if I was ready to go."

He frowned. "What's that all about? I thought you said there was nothing going on with her?"

I ran my hands over my face again and groaned. Bear must have thought I was in distress because he came over and nudged my leg with his nose.

"There isn't," I told my brother and patted Bear on the head to show him I was okay. Or as good as I could be considering the circumstances.

"Seriously, bro? You got another thirsty one after you?"

In any other circumstance, that comment would've been amusing. Here it was just depressing.

I sighed. "She's trying, but this time she just wanted to walk out together. She heard about my notice."

He rolled his eyes.

"So what about Ellie? Any chance she thinks you're not Austin?"

"Not for a second."

His head fell back on his shoulders and he groaned. "Fuck."

Yeah. Fuck, indeed.

The look on her face when I lied and told her I had a girlfriend had been heartbreaking. I hated that I had to do what I did.

Everything about her stepping into my office had felt so right. It was familiar and for a few seconds it felt like I'd never left her. Her smile, her scent, just her...

As much as I didn't want there to be a spark because it would just make an already difficult situation even harder, there was. The energy had simmered between us, just like it did back in high school.

I wondered if we would be more explosive together now than back then? We were both older and more mature. And more experienced. Although I hated to think of Ellie as having had any kind of sexual experience with anyone but me.

Damn.

I had wanted to wrap my arms around her and hold her, like nothing else mattered but the two of us. Which was exactly why I couldn't. I needed her to be safe. And the reality was that she was safer when she was far, far away from me.

"Sport," I said and reached for the bottle.

He hesitated, and I saw the different emotions fly over his face. He was worried and scared. We had no idea if our house location was safe anymore and we had to stay alert and be aware of our surroundings at all times. But at the same time, he felt bad for me. He knew what Ellie had meant...

What she still meant.

Damit. I hadn't expected that kind of physical and emotional response. I'd had to force myself to keep from reaching for her.

How the hell was I going to get through that all over again? A new place, a new name...

Sometimes I wondered if all the running was worth it?

My sad expression must have won my brother over because he handed over the bottle. Then he got to his feet and pulled two glasses out of the cabinet. I poured both of us a good amount and he sat down on the chair and drained it.