Trinket (Reverse Harem)

Soft Confession

Brp.

"I guess Korr has made a lot of excuses for you too."

A very miserable mrrph.

I braced myself on his side and slowly lowered myself against his meaty dragon-shoulder. My cut leg protested, but once I was down on the cold ground, it settled. His withered head rested on the stones next to my thigh. His nostrils flickered as he caught the scent. His scales made scritch sscitch noises as they slicked down. I smoothed a coil of neck with one hand. "I guess you and I are the ones always screwing up. Look at what I did. I ran away from all of you like an idiot. Hell, you know how many times I got called an idiot in my own dream?"

blink blink

"I had a friend in my... well, I guess it wasn't home, was it? The dream bubble? I had a friend. She was always telling me what a naive little idiot I was. Everyone in the kitchen was always like oh, there's Theia, the idiot. And like an idiot, I actually thought Tynne loved me. Everything told me he didn't, he couldn't, he wouldn't, but I was a moron and bought it. Even worse? He wasn't real. I was such an idiot I didn't even realize it wasn't real."

blink blink

"And look at me here? Me? Queen of the Hippocamp? I can't even read. You've seen me trying to make letters. You lot are always bailing me out. If I wasn't a unicorn, I'd be just another barmaid peddling her ass because she can't do anything else to stay fed. Look what happened two nights ago. I thought I could keep things with Soir under control, but oh look, I had no idea what I was doing again. And Korr almost ended up dead and the world at war because of it."

ppbbbbmmm

"It's like I know things, but then when I go to do them, it's all a mess," I told his beautiful green gaze. "I know what snow is. What ice is. What it looks like when it's on stones and melting. And I felt like I could deal with Soir, because I felt like I understood what was going on, but it all went to shit. It was like all my body parts were pulling apart and sliding over each other, and wires were ripping into my scars and my brain was getting beaten with wings. But I feel like I knew what I was doing even when I didn't. That must mean I'm an idiot, right? I'm so stupid I don't even know how stupid I am?"

mmmpmmmmmmmm.

I sighed and leaned back against him. "If you guys hadn't saved me--again--I'd probably be Soir's little unicorn stuffie right now. With his cock stuffed in me, I'm sure. And he probably would have sweet-talked me into liking it, because I'm too dumb to know not to."

A soft coo-sigh-purr.

"And everyone tells me I'm not an idiot." I sighed at the damp ceiling. "But I am. Even Soir told me I'm not stupid. What was the word he used... unconversant. Like there's a difference between being stupid and being uneducated. I think I'm both. Same result either way, right? Just how bad I feel after I fuck up again."

Mmmprh-brp-mmm.

I closed my eyes. "I can't even fuck them properly."

Mrp?

"This feeling like I want to get away from it. It's a strange feeling. My body's reaction is get away, get away. Like I'm ticklish? But I'm not. If they hadn't held me, I'd probably have crawled up the wall and I don't know why. I think they knew, but ignored it, which is what I wanted but... things feel so strange since we got back."

Mrp-click-click.

Some water dripped from the ceiling and made hollow sounds as it impacted puddles in the arrangement of cisterns. The air smelled of salt and water and stone and frost. It was cold down here--cold enough everything had a thin sheen on it, but Ethat was nice and warm, and the chill felt nice on my aching leg. And his bugs spawned, died, and turned to dust around him.

Abruptly, he shifted, and in an instant, he was behind me in human form, arms wrapped around me and head tucked over my shoulder.

I put my hands on his strong wrists.

"I wonder," his voice was muffled by his face buried in my shoulder, "what it's like to know what you are."

I squeezed his iron wrists.

"And to be that thing. Just that thing. Like Korr is an ice dragon. That is what he is. He has always told me I am his brother, I am Ethat, but it's not that simple."

Like everyone called me Theia. And for a long time, as long as I could remember, that had been enough. Theia. That had been everything. And then I'd left the dream. "No, it's not."

"It should be that simple. That is why we have names, don't we? That is what our mother told us. It's the name, not the shape. But... it's not true." He mumbled, miserably, into my hair.

"It doesn't seem like the whole truth, does it." The words were hard to say. The ache twisted in all my seams and broken parts. "It should be, shouldn't it, but it's not."

"He doesn't understand what it's like to know your name, but not what it's attached to. Either he does not know me, or I do not know me. And I think I am the one who does not know me. And that is terrifying."

"Yes, it is."

"I love you so much," he mumbled, caressing my hair with the hand not holding me pinned against his chest.

"I love you," I said.

"I understand if you want me to stay away. I can't be trusted. I understand if you want them to punish me. I deserve it. They want to."

"I want us to be a family," I said softly.

"I am a monster. The rot warped me in the egg. Green dragons are supposed to be gentle and docile and life-breathers."

"And I'm not sure I'm not a monster," I told him. "Some unholy creation made from forbidden alchemy and desecrated unicorn souls."

"Do you really believe that?"

"Do you really believe you're a monster?" That wasn't a rhetorical question.

"I don't think I am, and then I do things. And sometimes I am sorry, but often I am not. I am not sorry I ate Maris. Or fought with Ormiss' cousin. But I am sorry it upset you and Asund had to be whipped. But I am not at all sorry about Maris. And I am so, so, so sorry about yesterday."

He trembled.

"You scared me," I said softly.

He held me tight, but careful. "And that is why I am afraid."

"Asund, Itek, Ormiss are furious at you. They won't trust you again. Maybe not ever."

"I deserve it."

"Korr doesn't remember most of it. He's sad."

"He's sad it happened again. And that it happened to you."

He held me like a precious doll, his body so tense he shook. His hands were withered, dry, the skin dry and painful. His eye sockets were exposed as his skin had stretched thin and withered over bones. His hair was almost entirely the shade of a field of dead, lost crops. After a long moment, he rasped, "You will always have me. No matter how many wars you mistakenly start. No matter how many deaths you cause. No matter how many kingdoms you destroy. No matter if the others have to abandon you to save the world. You will always have me, and I will love you wholly and without hesitation or regret. All the broken parts, all the ruined parts, all the grotesque parts."

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Peeps --

Why, yes, who would like some murder dragon feels for breakfast? 

me me me.

~Merry

(partially awake pantster)

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