Grief

Swarm

The walk home had been a blur. I could faintly remember snide comments, rolling off into conversation with Shizu-chan as if nothing had happened- but only barely.

What I do remember is how I kept my hands stuffed in the pockets of my jacket the entire way.

The door clicked shut behind us, and Shizuo wandered off to the kitchen, an easy smile molding his lips as he scanned through the cupboards. Like muscle memory, I made my way towards the living room, resting to 'sit' in a spot with the best view of the window.

My jaw clenched hard as I forced a swallow. Ever so slowly, I moved my hand out to peek at the skin of my wrist. It felt as if the swallow had waded in my chest, scratching against my ribcage as I stared through my wrist.

It was faded- Was it worse than before? My eyes squeezed shut, forcing my ears to keen into the casual clinking of dishes as Shizu-chan shuffled around at the sink.

A tight sigh was forced out.

I needed to calm down- think. If I was fading, that could only mean one of two things, either Shizu-chan had a moment where his turmoil had lessened great enough for it to physically affect me, or time had run out for my form as a whole.

Who knows, perhaps it was both? A smirk twitched my lips, an unsatisfyingly bitter taste on my tongue.

Carefully, I peeked over my shoulder into the kitchen, Shizu-chan had his eyes cast low, focusing on every soft movement of his hands as he carefully washed his dishes.

I huffed something amused, half tempted to knead out the pinch that had formed in the middle of his brows with the pad of my finger. The harmless thought turned sour instantly, taunts all leading back to my hands.

Perhaps it was a fluke? I slid my hands out of my pockets, flipping them from back to front. Maybe they'd form back to what they were before? A mystified yet clear image where you could still catch detail...

I blinked slowly as my fingers clenched over and over as if my issue would be resolved through the motions of relieving cut circulation. As if my problem had as simple of a solution as that.

It had been bad enough when I realized a single hand had grown worse back at the cemetery. I had feigned nothing, shoving my hands into my pockets to continue laughing at Shizu-chan's determined scowl.

I remember choking a bit on my laughter on the way home when I caught a glimpse of my other wrist past my black pocket- They were both fading.

The clinking of porcelain on glass and the rush of water all too suddenly strained into something shrill in my ears, a piercing tune that mingled horribly with my thoughts. My fingers twitched as I flicked them towards the television, eager for a distraction-

The screen flickered to life before turning black.

My breath shuttered, stopping on itself as I moved my fingers towards the screen again- Hoping, pleading for the television to turn on with a hum of color and noise-

A black screen.

My knee began to bob with impatience, nerves stinging my senses as I tried again- Nothing.

I bit my lip to hold back a curse and tried again. I used my entire hand, a desperate throw of my wrist as I honed my focus on this single, one action.

The television brightened up with a lagging start but relief still pooled down my spine when it stayed on.

Okay, so things weren't utterly hopeless? Humorless laughter puffed from my chest.

This was all happening so fast- Had my time really been cut short so instantly? The book had mentioned spirits disappearing on their own after a while... Never lingering longer than a couple of months at rarest but-