Grief

Blossoms

The walk home was deftly quiet. But that silence did nothing to ward away my roaring questions.

If Shizu-chan was really human, then why?

Even with his inhuman strength and cower-worthy anger, Shizuo still felt and struggled like every other human I'm so fond of-

But the idea of placing him with the rest of my precious humans felt so... Off?

We made our way down the final stride of his apartment complex, Shizuo made quick work of finding his damaged door, unlocking and opening it was a creak.

I followed after and slid through into the free domain that was his apartment.

"Sorry..." I blinked, following after Shizuo's fleeting voice as he retreated into his room and shut the door behind him.

Sorry? I stuffed my hands in the pockets of my jacket. What would have to be sorry for? I'm the one that dragged him to a place that he clearly didn't want to go to.

I'm the one that mistook him for a monster.

I sighed, systematically moving my way over to the window for an absent-minded view. The sun by then had set, so it was difficult to see down the road past what the street lights struggled to illuminate.

It was frustrating. I couldn't find a place, a label for him, Shizuo fit somewhere in between parallels in the organized ideals I've kept for years.

I love humans, their nature, their secrets- All of it. And I hate monsters, their power, their simplicity- All of it.

So why is it that Shizuo fits in neither of those categories now?

I slouched my head down as I poked at a large tuft of smoke. I frowned as the tendril broke into two and dissipated into nothing.

It was confusing and irritating to be left so barren for an answer.

Back at the abandoned building...

My hand brushed up to linger around my throat. Fingers grazing up the front of my neck. There had been that feeling- That uncomfortable crawl that would itch its way up my throat.

What was that?

My brows furrowed and I pinched my lip between my teeth. Thinking back, the feeling was beginning to get eerily familiar. It has happened a few times, watching Mairu and Kururi cry, listening to Shizuo explain my death, and today, when I saw Shizuo's face in that abandoned building.

My face fell to rest in my palms.

I wasn't blind or ignorant- I know that some semblance of me cared for my sisters even if I never was keen to admit it.

So yes, I cared about them, and I still do. I practically raised them in a messed-up sort of way... So it had hurt to see them actually cry about my passing. To see that past all their hate-filled words and turned shoulders, they returned the care we both tried to bury as siblings to one another.

And Shizu-chan- I peeked past my hazed fingers, straight towards the darkened hallway that led to a particular room.

That feeling, that uncomfortable writhe that would lodge in my throat- That was worry, that was caring, wasn't it?

A shaky laugh slipped past my lips. Ah, this is bad. I care about Shizuo don't I? That's why it felt wrong to place him with every other human? Why it felt so unnatural to huddle him with the crowd of Ikebukuro as just another face to observe?

I huddled closer to the window, resting my hands back in my lap as I stared at the flickering city lights.

When? When had I started placing Shizuo with the sparse group of people I care for? Shinra, Mairu, Kururi- And now Shizu-chan.