Yesterday's Loaded Bullets

Chapter 47

"4:3 from Greece finishing HLE Missions, at the young age she become one of the prominent soldier under the Philippine's Elite Inter Technology Security. I give this token of recognition to General Rajim Jaziah C. Lopez for leading the EITS to international state security."

She look dazzling with her Army Green Suit wearing her lovely smiles. I'm proud of what she'd become but a part of me was gripping thorns for not able to witnessed everything. She look so fine and i wish i could feel and embrace everything like nothing happened.

Her dark orbs shined so bright with a smile plastered on her face. Lights of camera and people's applause made me think that she'd becoming a woman of her own.

She move and walk her way downstairs after receiving her awards and there she is wrapping her arms to an unknown woman.

It took me a lot of courage to be here in this event after knowing she's.....with a woman from Greece.

After leaving me, you showed up as if nothing happened. You showed up as if everything was just your yesterday's loaded bullets.

I immediately turned my back when her gazes looked in my directions. Hiding in a wide range rocks looking so blue, one step I'd let my self work on its own. Not yet ready to face her. I was chained for the past years questioning everything that happened so fast and ended up with just a mere question mark, left unsaid.

Blurry eyes , tears of melancholy with a heavy heart. Clenching my fist with the scene i witnissed, how pathetic of me going here just for that show. How could i be so proud for her achievement, proud for herself and proud for being here when she just reciprocated it with dissapointment.

"Soline wait up!"

I closed my eyes hoping that i was just hallucinating when she called my name. She's too fast to be here. Did she saw me?

"What do you want." I bit my lower lip so hard to suppress my sobs. I can't let her see me in this state.

"Can we please talk?"

"We're already talking."

I tried my best not to crack my voice. Heart's racing with different emotion within. I could feel my blood from my lips.

"I mean seriously. Humarap ka sakin." she softly said. I gasp for some air, this whole shit make me wanted to vomit in frustration.

"I need to g-"

I startled when she aggresively pulled my wrist and there i met her eyes. Her eyes looked so concerned and i hate how she stare at me.

"W-why are you cryi-"

"nothing." i shakely said while wiping my tears in my cheeks.

I move my way to my car and was about to go inside when she hold my wrist and forced me to get inside the passenger seat.

"What the fuck are you doing?!."

I was even more furious when she just ignored me and started to control my car.

"What are you even doing here?! You should've stay inside that fucking hall!."

She looked at me for a while but she still not responding and focused her eyes infront. Chasing my breathe and locking my gaze to the side windows drunking with thoughts.

"Just hear my side."

I hate the fact that she still have an effect on me whenever she used that angelic dip shit voice. Stop di ka marupok.

"I'm sorry." Just wow. It took her 7 years to say those word. Her sorry is already late, so fucking late.

"I don't need your sorry."

God knows how i wanted to hear her apology but why now?

I was stunned in my seat when we arrived at her resort. I miss this place. The happy and painful memories.

"Why are we here." The waves and winds embracing my body telling me that they missed me. I avoided her stares that starting to affect my emotion.

"I'm sorry if it took me 7 years to show up. I felt like i need to prove you something. I was afraid to involved you with my fucked up life before. Chaos were everywhere Soline and i can't risk your life."

I was confused for a moment. Why do i feel like i just knew the part of her but not exactly the whole her.

We walked in the sand brushing my foot feeling its warmth because of the sun.

"Just let me explain everything to you."

She started explaining everything. My mind is too full to even process every single thing she said. I was right, she's not an ordinary person. I don't know if i should be mad of how she punished criminals , it's disgusting and a whole shit. After everything, i don't know how to react. I couldn't find a single word to utter. This is too much for me.

"I'm so sorry for everything. I did all of that to save you."

I was shaking and gasping for air because of the fluid and sobs hindered my ability to speak. She's holding my arms but i pushed her away. Save me??

"Y-you did not save me Rajim." i gulp hard. This is fucking too much. I hate her.

"You fucking destroy me."

Tears and sweat dropping in my face she hugged me tightly. It made me looked like a foolish crying kitten.

"I'm so sorry amore. I didn't mean to hurt you."she was shaking ,cupping my cheeks. We just stared at each other's eyes while crying. I'm happy,sad,angry it was all mixed up.

"If you just told me everything sooner , I wouldn't suffer too much! How dare you made up decisions and just left me?!."

Constant punches at all forces in her chest. She just stood and hugged me and i hate her for making me still wanting her warmth. I hate her for doing all of this.

"I hate you so much!"

"I know baby i know ,forgive me my love."

My knees are getting weaker, she's holding me so tight and God knows how much i miss being thia close to her. My questions has been answered but the amount of pain, it's getting worse.

"L-let me go please. I don't know why are you still explaining when there's already a woman in your life."

She looked confused because of what i said. There's no point of her explaining everything .

"What are you talking about??."

"That girl, she's your girlfriend right?."

Knowing she's having a girlfriend made me wanted to burn her. It's getting heavier , the emotion.

"Baby i think you misunderstood. That girl in the venue is my cousin. She come home with me here for vacation love."

I really wanted to erase her witty smile right now. How can she still look good even though she's crying?

She sat in the sand and pulled me resulting for me to sit in her lap.

"After all these years i still love you, di naman nawawala yun. If only you know how much i tried to restrained myself from going back here. I'm sorry my love."

This is what i've been waiting for. Her embracing me while witnessing the sun set. All of my pain, my hatred to her disappeared just by feeling her warm body on me.

I've suffered a lot, we both suffered. We're just a victim of unexpected times and season. I couldn't help but to sob while caressing her hand softly. She's kissing my nape gently and there i felt a tiny droplets of tears.

The glorious conflagration, blazing with fabulous colors coalesce the emotions we both have as of this moment. Peaceful scenery and a beauty within ends the agony of pain for past years.

Despite the chaos and misfortunate patterns in our life.

She's still my haven, my sweet refuge.