Chapter 1

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"Run Maria! Run! " My mother screamed as hard as she could in her lungs before the bullet pierced her heart and she fell dead in the snow. A bloody puddle began to form around her, and her life escaped in a split second. Panicked, I ran into the forest and, trying not to think that I would never hug my mother again, or talk to my dad, or mess with my siblings, I ran as fast as I could.

I tried to tear my way through the branches of the leafless trees, which were decorated with snow glistening in the sun, and the whistling bullets passed me by millimeters. Every now and then I slipped on the frozen ground and tried not to trip over the protruding roots, which, in spite of my anger, almost pushed my feet. The same problems were also experienced by the enemy soldiers who pursued me. I knew that if I did not escape them, I would be captured and condemned to torture, so I flew headlong. I knew this forest well, it made my escape much easier, but what about a scared sixteen-year-old Polish girl when her whole family is dead and the house was plundered and burned down?

I was still struggling through trees and bushes when I suddenly lost the ground under my feet and rolled down the hill, rolling in the snow in the process, straight into the flowing river. Rega's water was cold, indeed, even icy, and its current immediately carried me with it like a limp branch. The soldiers ran along the riverbank and tried to shoot me, but I took a quick breath and plunged into the cold water. Everything went quiet for a moment and time seemed to slow down. Everything around was ice blue and all-encompassing coolness. I thought I was dead, but at that moment I surfaced to get some fresh air. I didn't recognize the landscape around me. I have never been to these areas because my father never let me go by myself. I looked back and noticed that, fortunately for me, I wasn't being chased anymore. I was just about to swim to the shore when I realized I couldn't move anymore. My muscles seemed to freeze and my breathing became shallower. I tried to make any move but it was for nothing. Panicked, I drifted along with the current and didn't know how long it would take. However, I was already prepared that I would sooner drown or freeze to death in the water than I would find on the shore. Then I realized what had just happened. The death of my loved ones was the greatest blow I have ever been dealt with in my life.

The soldiers burst into the yard and shot my older brother who was chopping firewood because the house was cold. Had it not been for his sick leg, he would have been at the front now with my father and perhaps would have lived longer. When we heard the shot, my mother and younger sister ran out the back door of the cottage and ran through the snow-covered field where wheat grew in the summer. I took Anka, my younger sister, in my arms so that she would not slow us down, and then another shot was fired. It was unfortunate that my sister had just leaned out to see if they were still chasing us. Her head had been shot and there was a scarlet hole in her forehead with a bullet stuck in it. I screamed in horror as my mother told me to throw away the lifeless body of my six-year-old little sister. She knew that she could not be saved anymore. With pain in my heart, I obeyed my mother and we continued running across the field. We were already on the edge of it, where the nearby forest began, when we were showered with a barrage of bullets. Mom was hit in the leg and she fell into the snow and was no longer able to escape. I came back for her, but she told me to keep running and not to turn back, because there is nowhere to come back.

I didn't even notice when it was dark around me. I didn't know where I was, but probably in the Vestibule of Death or in Purgatory. I was consoled by the thought that soon I would see Ania's smiling face again, Romek's warm smile and, above all, that I would hug my mother and hide in her motherly embrace.

But God had other plans and decided to "make my life pleasant" by giving it back to me. I didn't want it, I didn't ask for it. I wanted to die and feel nothing anymore. I wanted to remember nothing...

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