I'm On Your Side

14 | I'm liked!

Mason's POV

I'M TRYING NOT to think about what Isha said. I just realized saying it means I'm thinking about it. Shit. Shit, shit, shit!

The last thing I need is having someone be right. I need to be right. At least for once.

It's not fair that she gets to be in my head while she's out frolicking doing whatever the hell.

I hate this. I hate that when I'm supposed to be having a good time I'm thinking about something that's making me feel—I don't know—guilty or something.

I should be, I don't know, hanging out with Charlie ordering this... shit. I stare at the hamburger on that screen. Suddenly, it doesn't look that appealing to me. In fact, none of it looks appealing to me.

I'm wondering now why I even agreed to come with Charlie for lunch. Was it because of Isha? No, because I... I wanted to spend time with Charlie. God. That's weird. That's disgusting.

Wait. Is that actually why I'm here?

"Yo, what do you want?" I look up to see Charlie looking at me. He looks at me quizzically suddenly. "Are you okay?"

His voice is tense. Like he wish he hadn't said that. So I shake my head. Not because he doesn't care, but because I...

Actually, I don't know.

I guess I don't believe what he's saying. "I'm fine," I confirm to him and he nods his head.

"Okay... so what do you want?" He gestures to the menu awkwardly and I look at it since there's nothing else to do.

"I don't know. I'm not really hungry." I force myself to look at him. For some reason, it pains me to look him in the eye now.

"You're not hungry?" He looks like he's about to elaborate on that, but he stops.

"Yeah. I already had lunch." I hope he knows I'm lying. Or maybe not. I'm not sure anymore. Earlier I wanted him to know I'm lying, but now I don't care.

"Really?" His eyes widen a little bit.

I nod my head, casually. "Yeah."

"Oh, well, I'm hungry." Charlie turns to the menu then and starts ordering.

It gets me thinking then of what's the point of even staying. If I'm not going to be eating, then there's no point staying. Charlie's already busied himself talking with the other guys.

One of the guys looks at me suddenly. "Hey, do you have money?" I look at him startled.

I was expecting him to ask me why I'm not ordering food. Weird. Why the hell do I even think that? Charlie nor any of these guys are capable of that.

"Yeah, uh," I fumble my pocket for some cash and give it to the guy, "here." Surprisingly, I'm very quick with giving him the money. Usually, I'm reluctant. What the hell is wrong with me?!

"Thanks, man." The guy gives the twenty-dollar bill I handed to him to the cashier. "There's the twenty bucks."

The cashier takes it and I watch the twenty-dollar bill with this weird type of remorse. Regret, I guess. Weird.

God, this is all so confusing. I need to clear my mind or something. Not doing this, though. I need to go home and rest.

But I can't. A part of me yearns to stay here with these guys who honestly don't give a shit about me.

Good, I think to myself, I don't give a shit about them either.

Yet I still stay for a few more minutes—just for one person to acknowledge my presence—and eventually, which is longer than "a few minutes", Charlie does.