I'm On Your Side

12 | He's changed, for the worst

BY THE TIME Tuesday rolls around, I've completely forgotten about Mason (for the most part). My mind has been so caught up with school and such that I barely think about him. Until April acknowledges his absence.

"Mason?" She asks when taking attendance. She repeats his name and looks around the room quizzically. "Huh," she notes. "Does anyone know where Mason is?"

For some reason, her eyes land on me and I look away. Just because I'm his "partner" doesn't mean I know where he is!

I'm infuriated that he isn't here, but that doesn't mean I blame it on someone else (like April's doing). In fact, I should be happy. Maybe this means I'm better off by myself and Mason is better off with...

Actually, I don't know. In fact, I'm not even sure what's the gist with him and his friends. They probably made up by now or they—

Whatever. I don't need to circulate my thoughts around Mason. It's just me now.

Just me now. Right. But it was always me. So how come it feels weird now?

I pull out my phone as all the other kids in the room attend to their partners. I'm not even sure what I want to do on my phone. There's reading, but there's also TikTok (oh, god, I've had enough of that shit).

Out of the corner of my eye, I see April approaching me, so I immediately go to the reading app.

Why did I even allow my mom to sign me up for a therapy group? I hate being around people. Maybe that's it—the reason for my anxiety. They make me feel anxious.

April is just an example of that.

"Hi," she coos, "what's up with Mason?"

"Uh," I shrug my shoulders, "I don't know."

"Hm," she ponders. I'm about to excuse myself when she asks, "have you seen him? In school?"

I realize that I told her how Mason and I attend the same school. "Oh, yeah. I, uh, no, I haven't. It's all virtual, you know."

"Yes, I know," she chuckles, which I find slightly irritating, "but you haven't seen him in school?"

I shake my head. But maybe I have and I just haven't been paying attention. After Friday, he'd been pretty silent to me. I guess I figured I should also do the same.

"Well, maybe I have. I've been really busy with tests. So I haven't been paying much attention," I add when she looks at me cluelessly.

"Huh. Okay." She gets up from the ground that she's kneeling on and I find myself getting a little anxious.

"Wait. Are you going to contact Mason's parents or something?" She looks at me, confused. "I mean, if you have their contacts."

"Oh, no," she shakes her head, "I don't really think that's necessary." I nod my head. "Maybe he's busy with tests too, you know."

I roll my eyes. Not this shit.

"But you can tell me. Always feel free to tell me whatever's happening in your life, okay?"

"My life?" I snort and she looks at me with a concerned look. "Okay."

Something in me restrains me from telling her. Maybe Mason really is insecure of people knowing he attends a therapy group. Which is weird, it doesn't make sense to me, but maybe it's because he has friends. Or had. Whatever. But if I told April that, it would only make him more anxious.

And I can't take the cause of all this mess.

So I stay quiet. For the most part (I ask to use the bathroom). I go on my phone and when April calls time, I leave. She doesn't even tell me to stay back, which is good, don't get me wrong, but it's also oddly discomforting.