Second chance ✔

After all, he has done nothing but help them right?

But they didn't know the dark parts of him. The part of him that threatened to expose their pictures together to her parents. The threats to destroy her life.

And the promise that she will never earn his forgiveness.

It made her heart ache so badly. She had loved him with the pure, unconditioned love that seeps out of one's soul as they fall in love for the first time. And now, she was nothing to him. Not even worth considering her side of the story.

Three weeks later...

It was another message.

I really don't like you anymore. I found out that there are a million girls who are so much better than you.

There was a photo attached. A girl in black was circled in digital ink.

See that girl? We have an English class together. We were best friends for a while, and recently, she asked me out. I said yes.

There were screenshots, of conversations between him & the said girl.

But she couldn't see them through the blur of her tears. She closed the browser and shut off her laptop.

It's going to be okay.

She was determined to be strong. She had gone through so much..she had to be strong enough to do this.

Her hands found the long strip of thick material that she had hoarded to use when the time came.

She had expected it, of course, a day when she would not be able to bear the world's weight anymore.

Good thing she was a girl scout. They taught you all sorts of knots there. She could tie this knot in her sleep.

She finished pulling the final edge, making sure she had enough room in the loop. Then she sat down on her bed and thought about what she should leave behind for certain people.

Then she remembered her diaries. She pulled them out of their hiding place. It was not really private, seeing as her mother had forced her to give them to her and read them, invading the little privacy she had. She did not care about it too much after that. She lay them down in chronological order.

2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015.

Almost five and a half years of her life, or rather, the side of life she hid from everyone, was in there. And now, they were going to see it.

Next she thought about her friends, the happy, silly friends she loved so much. That kept her happy, at least for a while. They deserve to know what happened.

She put her diaries in a box and addressed it to her two best friends, adding a note that after they read it, they can do what ever they want with it, except let her parents know what was inside.

Which brought her to her next 'people'. Her parents.

She found it hard, even now, when everything was at stake, to forgive her mother. She had made her life so hard & complicated that she promised herself she would leave the wretched house the minute she was able to stand on her own feet. But then she thought about her father. Her dear, beloved father who was always behind her like a rock, feeding her life skills and keeping her grounded for as long as he could. He would not want her to leave her mother unforgiven. So she starts writing.

I forgive you, mom, for making me do this. But only because dad would want me to, and I need my conscience free of guilt. Dad, I love you. More than you could ever know. I am so sorry, but this is necessary, at least the way I see it. I wish I had help, but it's too late. And to my sis, I love you too, though you annoyed the hell out of me at times. One advice: do not follow in the footsteps of our mother. Take care. Good bye.

Another, pastly significant person rose her to mind, but she brushed the thought away before she can get too angry.

She folded the note and placed it beside the box.

Standing up on the bed, she secured the longer end of the material to the ceiling fan, and left the other end hanging loose. Taking a few deep breaths, she closes her eyes.

This is it.

She mumbles a prayer, letting the quiet reverberations of her own voice calm her as she fumbles blindly for the loop. She brings it over her head, and fastens it around her neck. She takes the last few steps toward the edge of the bed, and jumps.

For a few moments, she has trouble keeping her mind occupied with the prayer, as she feels the burn in her lungs, and her brain going straight into panic mode. She struggles, and she feels her bladder empty in a hot stream down her legs. Her throat tightens, and the edges of her vision goes black as she tries to fight the nauseating light-headedness.

She tries to keep her hands from trying to pry the knot loose.

Suddenly,

Snap!

She falls the few feet to the ground with a painful smack of flesh & tile. She lays there for a while, in a pool of her own urine, trying to gather her bearings.

What the hell just happened? Am I dead already?

But the throbbing pain around her throat told her she was not. Death was supposed to be peaceful.

Slowly, she looked up, and saw the thick cord, now ripped in half, dangling from her fan.

The other half was still around her neck, as tight as ever, but she could breath again.

As she closed her eyes, tears streamed down her face.

And deep down in her heart, a warm feeling of thankfulness & gratitude blossomed in her chest.

Thankful, for showing her what pain truly was.

Grateful, for the second chance.