Joker [h.s]

IX

EVERY BEAT OF my heart served to be a reminder of the conflicting emotions and actions that I was to take. It was like hanging on a loose thread, just barely touching the surface.

My eyes stayed focused ahead on the monitor in front of me, Glen having to lean down to type in her authorization to access yesterday's recordings, the clicking of her fingertips against the keys on the board filling up the empty silence around us and just momentarily distracted me.

I was constantly zoning in and out, my gaze aimlessly on the monitor until a long list of names preoccupied what was once just a blank screen. My eyes flickered up to Glen's at her movement, standing back up to her full height, "You can access the recordings now, just need to find the name since it's quite a list. Unfortunately I'm scheduled to start my shift in an hour—"

"—That's more than I need, thank you Glen" I interrupted her hastily, not really meaning to but there was an overwhelming need to just prove what I hoped wasn't a figment of my imagination that was beginning to take a toll on me from the fatigue and lack of sleep after my shifts. Just hoping that I wasn't seeing things — and really, it was becoming more of a need to reassure myself more than anything. I shot her a small smile after which she reciprocated with a nod and gave me a small wave, turning around on her heel to walk out and all the while, my leg bounced in sheer anxiousness under the table.

I waited until I heard the heavy door slam behind her, signalling she was out before wasting no time. Rolling the chair closed to the desk with my feet grazing against the floor, gripping a hold of the mouse and scrolling it down trying to find the name of the person who was constantly intentionally and unintentionally tormenting me. The list seemed to be endless when I slowly went through each name, the screen looking brighter and brighter each second the longer my eyes stayed on it, feeling the sensitivity until my eyes caught on to something and suddenly paused, letting the cursor hover above it for a few seconds in hesitation.

Letting out a huff, I clicked on it and instantly the familiar setting of the room and person appeared in front of me on the monitor. My eyes flickered down at the duration, frowning and clicking onto the forward button as it recorded for the entire day and I had no time to even watch a fraction of it. My finger pressed down on the button again and again, watching as some of the lines on the monitor got squiggly and blurry from the speed, the moments I remember happening with my very own eyes now portrayed in a different point of view. I watched intensely as each conversation and scene passed by until the part I needed to see was before me, my lips pressing into a tight line, my heart picking up and beating harder.

My eyes were focused deadly on the image before me, taking in every detail, watching myself stand up and cutting off the view of Harry. My lips parted as I saw nothing but my back facing the camera, completely concealing Harry's at the moment I knew the moment that was clouding my mind occurred.

Unbelievable.

I felt a flare of anger ignite within me as I watched myself walk out of the room, the camera just slightly capturing the drop of blood that trickled down his cheek but even for that, I had to move closer and squint my eyes and would've imagined it or passed it off for the monitor being outdated had I not seen it for myself up close.