Joker [h.s]

VI

NOSTALGIA. SUCH A strange but pleasant feeling that it could take you to a place and time that one wouldn't even have remembered if there wasn't a certain type of emotion or feeling linked to a memory that could be so special that it made your heart warm or so disconsolate that it could make you physically frown.

I remembered the one time when I was younger — the time when elevators were still a fairly new concept. With the small steps towards new technological advances, my parents had been excited about the mind blowing innovation that they just couldn't help themselves to go on the elevator even though it was just an idea people were trying to figure out. With our luck, after we had entered, it had barely moved before the elevator got stuck and we were left frozen behind the closed doors alone.

I clearly remember the feelings that coursed through me one after the other, not knowing which one to feel for more than a few seconds. Being so young, I didn't know what was going to happen but I was aware of what was actually happening. I could still recall the way my heart dangerously pounded against my chest, hearing the sound drown out everything but the way my heart was beating profusely in time to keep me alive and breathing. The panic that had settled over me was the first time that I could never forget, the pure feeling of anxiety. Perhaps, it wasn't as serious as I thought it had been— being stuck in an elevator that no one really knew how it worked but at the time, my adolescent brain made me believe that I would never see the light of the day again.

I somehow felt the same type of emotion right now. I didn't know what was going to happen but I certainly know what is currently happening, and unfortunately, I was stuck yet again. Not in a physical space such as an elevator but a position in a situation. I was stuck between following the policy of the institution or doing what I knew was morally and humanely right.

I was so caught up on debating both sides of the situation that I almost got startled when I heard a rough cough from someone a little feet away from me. I blinked suddenly, my focus going to the tiles of the floor that I was mindlessly staring at as I walked. I looked besides me to who the cough belonged to seeing no one other than the person who is making me feel uneasy about my current state of mind. His blue eyes were gazing back at me uninterestedly, arms crossed over his chest as he guarded the door.

I ignored his presence, realizing that I should have just done that from the beginning. It was my fault for giving him the satisfaction from my reaction the other day. I didn't pay any mind to him as I stepped forward to scan my ID which was unluckily besides him. I kept my eyes focused on the scanner which was requesting for my pin even when I heard the rough sound of his cough yet again. I pursed my lips, watching my fingers type in the numbers quickly, ready to get away from him.

"Really?" I was surprised when I heard his heavy voice finally speak up. I thought about going to the extreme and not acknowledging him once again but I thought twice. I took notice of the way he was adamantly guarding the door.