Believe in Me [Joseph Seed/The Father - Far Cry 5]

21. Get My Mind off of Things

A few more weeks had passed as the days trudged by. It was the one year anniversary of Mary May's death. I had experienced four of the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, although I haven't accepted her death yet. However, I was doing my best to work on it, a little inspired by Joseph's wise words he had told me weeks ago, "After being broken all the way, the only thing else to do is to just get yourself together. And that's what I expect you to do."

At the time his words had stung me, piercing through my heart. But now they had given me a sliver of motivation to try to improve my quality of life. If I don't listen to his words, I recognize that I'm slowly killing myself. And Mary May wouldn't want me to live like this.

I had turned to working out again, like I was when I was the deputy. I had lost nearly all my muscle tone and was pretty much skin and bone from lack of eating and not working out.

I had started out with 20 push-ups per day, 20 sit-ups, 20 jumping jacks, 20 squats, and 20 pull-ups. And by the end of my first workout, I was struggling to breathe, resembling a fat smoker that was 70 years old and was trying to walk from the couch to the fridge... Maybe I should turn my workouts down a notch until I can build up my stamina again. I knew I should start out slow and work my way up. But that was going to be difficult to do.

My thoughts were interrupted as my bedroom door opened...

"You ever heard of knocking?"

"Have you ever heard of being polite?" Joseph snapped back in a joking manner, a small smirk on his face. "Are you ready for breakfast, Ms. Miller?"

"Yeah. Just trying to start working out again. Wanted to get my mind off of things."

"Oh, I see." Joseph nodded his head in response. "Well, I'll let you get back to it. Just wanted to check in since..." He started, then cut himself off.

I smiled awkwardly, knowing what he was about to say, "I was just about done anyway."

"Alright. Just wanted to say I'm proud of you and how far you've come, Morgan."

I nodded my head sadly, turning my back to him. "Thanks. But I think it's best if you leave me alone right now."

He let out an almost silent sigh before he left my bedroom, closing the door back, not saying another word.

My eyes had began to burn, tears threatening to escape my eyelids. But I attempted to blink the tears away, continuing with my workout. I knew I should've stopped, yet I didn't want to. Like I said, I need to get my mind off of things. I'm still grieving over my two losses (Mary May and my brother), and my heart will forevermore be broken, but hopefully it gets better.

I needed to distract myself before I go insane...

Once I had calmed myself down, I was able to go eat breakfast with the Seeds for the first time in a long time. Faith and John were gazing at me with confusion, like I was a martian.

"What?" I snapped at the two younger siblings. And then their eyes were peering down at their food.

All the while Joseph was watching me with a knowing smile.

"What's gotten you all smiley?" I grumbled at the preacher man, glancing at him while I ate my eggs.

"Oh nothing. Absolutely nothing." He sipped on his coffee. "You're making progress. I can tell."

"Well, you're crazy. Because I'm not."

"You may not see it, but I do."

I rolled my eyes at his claims, "Okay. Believe whatever you wanna believe."

John shot me a grin and Faith gave me a small, soft, genuine smile.

"You're sounding like yourself now." John stated matter-of-factly, slurping from his steaming cup of warm green tea.

"Yeah, I think so too. When the Father said that, that's when I finally noticed." Faith beamed up at me, like a child receiving a gift on Christmas.

"Maybe. But I'm still not the same." I confessed, not looking up from my now empty plate. "Never will be."

"Maybe so, Morgan. Stay positive. It just takes time. Be patient, child." Joseph spoke softly before placing his hand on top of mine. "Optimism is key, along with trusting in me."

I stared up at his ocean eyes, and subconsciously smiled up at him, but quickly realized that and stopped smiling, causing Joseph to chuckle. And all I could feel was warmth from Joseph's hand; he was great at comforting me. I began to realize that, and all I could do was start grinning again.

Maybe there was hope for me. Maybe. Maybe I could heal with Joseph's help.

***

I apologize for leaving my readers to go without reading for long periods of time, but I'm in a stressful situation (college) lol. Thank you for your patience! Hope everyone is doing well❤️

21 October 2022.

Love,
Von (kittycatlukey / K.C.L.)