Hurt |L.S|

28

Even if my girlfriend tells me she loves my body, I don't like it. If you're being reduced to you're appearance then you want at least to look good. At least have something to please the people.

My hair is ok, I guess. Everybody seems to be fascinated by my curls but if you touch them I get furious. I don't like if someone is fumbling at my hair, it makes me feel uncomfortable, seeing as it's always greasy. The rest of my body is just meh. I'm lanky, I don't have enough muscles and my hands are weird.

The longer I look at myself in the mirror the better I see my insecurities. And I also start to truly realise what Olivia said to me. I already feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I'm still emotional because I'm tired and that was the last push. I hate that I always seem to be crying lately. It's weak. It's feminine as Olivia would say.

I slowly slide down the wall. It feels like everything is pushing me down. Further and further and further. I want to cut. I really want to but right now I have energy for nothing. It still feels like I'm carrying a ton on both of my shoulders.

The tears are flowing down my cheeks now. Nobody's here to make them stop and I'm not strong enough to do it myself. Nobody is here to fix the growing crack in my heart and I'm not strong enough to it myself. That's why I'll sit here for the rest of the flight, crying and maybe sleeping at some point.

Louis' PoV:

no. No. NO. Please tell me that didn't just happen. Please tell me he didn't just get told all these hurtful things from a person he trusts. Please tell me he didn't believe in those insults. Please tell me he's not crying right now. Please tell me he knows what an amazing human being he is. Please tell me he knows that he's not just being reduced to his appearance. Please tell me-

"Lou, could you maybe go after him? You were always the one to repair his heart and it doesn't seem like whoever did it the last few years is here." Zayn rips me out of my train of thoughts.

I hesitate. I want to calm him down. I want to make him feel better. I feel sorry for him and I feel his pain probably more then all the other. But I still don't know if he truly forgave me. We are getting on better, close to what we had before, but I still have a lot of work to do. Ugh fuck it. He can send me away if he doesn't want me there.

Apparently my change in opinion is visible on my face because Zayn nods appreciative.

I slowly make my way through the plane thinking of a quiet spot. But my only guess is the bathroom because you can lock it and nobody was there when he left.

But to my surprise it wasn't locked. What really ripped my heart apart where the muffled cries coming from the other side.

I carefully push the door open to see my Hazzabear curled up on the floor, bawling. Shit. I kneel down beside him, letting him notice me but he doesn't send me away. I slowly skid closer until it would be possible to embrace him. And that exactly what I do.

He immediately returns the embrace and falls into it. The sobbing is no longer muffled and he fists my shirt with his hands. I'm a bit overwhelmed to be honest. It's a long time since I last cured a heartbreak. Normally I would carry him to his bed and then cuddle up to him and sing to him but I'm not sure if he's comfortable with that.

Zayn appears in the door frame and gestures me to pick him up and follow him. He mouths a "just do it". With that affirmation I slowly pick him up and he doesn't protest. He's still crying heavily and I whisper soothing words to him.

I reach the bed and slowly lower him on it but he holds on to me. My heart suddenly feel really warm and cozy.

I whisper: "Hazza? Should I stay with you? You would not be a burden." In all these situations he doesn't really accept help and feels like he's a burden to all of us.

A simple, small nod is all I get. I get into bed beside him and he turns around immediately to curl around me. I hug him back, tightly and warm. And then I just try:

I know you've never loved
The crinkles by your eyes when you smile
You've never loved your stomach or your thighs
The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine
But I'll love them endlessly
I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if I do, it's you
Oh, it's you, they add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things
You can't go to bed without a cup of tea
And maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep
And all those conversations are the secrets that I keep
Though it makes no sense to me
I know you never loved the sound of your voice on tape
You never want to know how much you weight
You still have to squeeze into your jeans
But you're perfect to me
I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if it's true, it's you
It's you, they add up to
I'm in love with you
And all these little things

I feel him slowly falling to sleep but the tears are still soaking my shirt. But I don't care.

What I do care about it that Harry gets some sleep after his show and this mentally exhausting phone call. And if he wants me here, then I stay here.

That was quite a long chapter, oops. Hope you liked it and have a nice day <3

~Noëlle
21.08.22