The Disbanders

Chapter 31: Freedom

    I also find my mind wandering to the woods whenever I see the sunrise, hear some birds chirping, or feel the soft breeze against my skin. Even some nights, I dream I'm back there, listening to the crackle of the fire or the rush of the waterfall, being in Will's warm embrace or the arms of my friends. Sometimes I long to be back there, to feel these sensations all over again, but only momentarily. I always come back to the realization that it's a part of my life that has to remain where it is––in the past, and in my memories.

Only we in the woods will know what we endured together, as a group. I'll always carry that piece of my life with me, even if nobody else can see it. It taught me so much about myself, and gave me an inner strength that I never knew I had. At the same time, it allowed me to let my guard down and realize that in life, we do need other people sometimes. I had lived my whole life thinking otherwise.

I've come to realize that the other part of my life without closure is my parents. Knowing that they're still out there, still in the world, will be something that I may have to learn to live with forever. After all, there's no way of knowing if something were to happen to them. It was a sentiment I remember grappling with in the woods, the one of being chased, or hunted down by them. I'll just have to move past it, and accept the lack of closure, if I am to move on with my life.

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December 2019

Grandma and I leave the house and get in the car, heading to the morgue to see my aunt. As we arrive after a one hour drive, we enter in silence. Eventually, we are led down a dark hallway to see Jessica, sniffling away with a splotchy face. Her face drops when she sees me.

"Candice," she says, "you're here!" She walks towards me, opening her arms, but stops when she notices that I don't return the gesture. Awkwardly, she turns to my grandmother, embarrassed. "Hello, Linda. I'm-I'm so sorry for your loss." I look up at Grandma, who gives a foul, cold glance towards Jessica.

"And yours as well. It must be hard to lose someone like that. It's why you must stick with the family you have left," states Grandma. Jessica had that one coming. She looks away sheepishly. "So," she continues, "how was Monte Carlo?" Jessica's face and ears turn red.

"Look, Candice, I'm sorry. I just couldn't handle the whole situation...with Jill. It was too much, and-"

"Save it," I tell her firmly. "I don't care anymore. I don't need you rescuing me and babysitting me at the hospital. I found my way out on my own. I guess I couldn't always count on you after all." More tears stream down Jessica's face. Suddenly, someone comes out from the door that Jessica is standing by. A man in a white medical coat and tired eyes emerges from the room.

"Good morning, I'm Dr. Kearns. We're ready for you," he states. Jessica nods. "I'm sorry for your loss, Dr. Wallace," he tells her. He then looks at my grandmother and I, only to quickly shoot his glance elsewhere. The rest of us file into the room.

The flicker of the bad lighting is the one sound that flows through the room, as if the room were as dead as the covered corpses that lie within it. The air feels heavier in here, sending a creepy chill up my spine. This certainly isn't my first encounter with death, but it feels unsettling nonetheless.

"We need you all to ensure that these are, in fact, the bodies of Jill and Richard Buchanan," he says. Jessica nods again, her breathing growing choppy. My grandmother doesn't say a word. He then lifts the veils of the bodies, one by one.

As I see their faces for the first time, I begin to grow nervous. Neither of them look very different from when I last saw them. The only true differences are the lack of heartbeat and face pigmentation in the people I see before me. I truly believe that my parents died a long time ago, that the people I had run away from were other people, rather, the monstrous ghosts of my parents.