The Disbanders

Chapter 28: The Next Adventure

Two weeks. I've never spent two weeks consecutively spending ninety five percent of my day locked in my room. At least when Evie died, we all mourned together, physically together. We were there for each other, and stopped each other from falling over the edge.

Now, anything bringing us together has simply fallen apart. Sure enough, everyone else has gone out to talk to Chuck, have their private moments with him, but never together. Ironically, Chuck is the one keeping us together when he's not even around anymore. It still hurts almost as much as the day it happened.

I'm the only one who still hasn't gone out to sit by Chuck's grave. I know I will, but I feel as though I need to stay in this bed, locked away for at least another month. I haven't taken off my watch, and I'm simply passing time by literally watching it go by on my wrist. I've never been stuck in a depression like this before, which is remarkable, given all that I've been through.

I've come to realize a few things in my time of silent reflection. I'm not the same person I was when I left the house, pushing Chuck in a wheelbarrow. I remember for a moment, thinking about how it felt freeing to leave. The outside world had a strange pull on me that night, I almost had an excitement of being back in a hospital, as if I were meant to be there. I had never realized that feeling until after everything happened. That thought process only made coming back without him hurt even more.

Because of this, more and more, it makes me question why we stay out here, if it's really worth the trouble. I understand why the others stay––they have no other choice. But what about me? What options do I have? Is this all really worth it? If I knew about my current thoughts a few months ago, I wouldn't believe it to be true.

That calling from the world has kept coming back to me. It has reminded me of my failures in the past. Fourteen years and fifteen years are two lifespans that were cut off way too short. One might've been prevented, while still an accidental loss, but the other life, I held in my own hands and left to die. All because of a societal fear that is starting to no longer benefit us. It's literally killing us.

It's something that nobody else out here can see. Even after all of these dreadful experiences, they still haven't changed their ways. They still choose to suffer out here, rather than try again in the world. Not even the avoidable loss of two of their best friends has changed them.

We all came out to this house looking for sanctuary, peace, perhaps even friendship, but that has all vanished, leaving us all to suffer alone.

While I want to stay in bed longer, I can't. I need to do something. I know where I need to go. Rising out of bed, I take a step out of my room, passing by everyone in silence.

"Where are you going?", asks Will monotonily.

"For a walk," I reply. "I'll be back soon." I open the door, soaking up the warmer spring weather and afternoon sun.

After about half an hour, I make it to my destination, somewhere I haven't been in a while––the riverside. I notice that there's a half log propped up, with EVIE engraved in it. Alexa must've done this at some point. I sit down on a nearby rock, pondering what to say. The river looks different now, rushing freely. I poke a stick in it to test its depth, and sure enough, it remains the same as it was over two months ago.

"Hey.....Evie," I begin to say. "I know it's been a while since I've been here, or since I've talked to you." I feel a bit ridiculous, but I'm noticing that it's making me feel a little better. "I'm sure you know what's happened since you've been gone. I hope you've said hi to Chuck for me. I really miss him, and I really miss you too." I know what I want to say next, but it's something I've never uttered out loud to anyone, not even myself.