Please don't leave again - sbi adoption au

New home? - 9

Trigger warnings - panic attacks, self harm, censored swears, bad thoughts, flashbacks, throwing up

Y/n POV

I looked to my brothers who both had a smile on their faces. I didn't understand why . I guess they wanted a fresh start but what if they hurt me like dad di-.

Everyone was now staring at me.

I mouth agape and trying to figure out what to answer with. It had been about thirty seconds and the atmosphere was getting awkward.

In my head I was weighing through the pros and cons:

They could be a lovely family. I mean techno was really nice he helped me calm down from a panic attack. Although his method wasn't great he still did it.

Or ...I

They could ... They could... They... Th -

I didn't want to feel it again.

 The pressure in my chest. My lungs closing up so I looked down to the worn out wooden floor squeezed my eyes right and nodded.

Trying to ignore all the eyes on me . I attempted to steady my breathing but failed and needed up rushing out of the room to the bathroom.

I was thankful that there was a lock in the bathroom. I never had any privacy.

I usually didn't vomit. I could only remember doing it when I was much younger so to my surprise when I felt a gag in my throat I rushed over to the bowl throwing up the remaining food I was given last night.

I knew he would start calling me stupid.

Worthless.

Waste of space.

Burden.

Burden.

Burden.

I wanted him to stop. Why wouldn't he let me be happy.

I know it's not good to do and whenever I used for do it Tommy and Tubbo would be disappointed but I had to get rid of him.

Sneakily bringing a hand up to the small mirror. I placed my small finger around the chipped corner and pulled a piece off.

The small blade would be enough and even though I don't want to be had to stop. He would drive me insane with all of his taunts.

Th lines made by the shard soon filling with blood as my hand and body shudders at how it felt. It felt good but I'm a bad way. I know it made me weak. Just as long as nobody found out I would be okay.

Realising the mistake I had made everyone would be wondering where I was so if decided to wash off the cuts with water even though it made the pain worse and my skin more tender. Sucking in a breath before wrapping tissue on the cuts, trying to drain as much blood knowing we didn't have any plasters or bandages. 

Putting on smile I walked out of the previously locked bathroom and went over to the meeting room.

I was too anxious to walk right in and peeked slightly closer to the door to see Phil and his family talking amount themselves while Tommy and Tubbo were nowhere to be seen.

Someone called out my name from inside and I saw it was Phil.

 I quietly shifted into the room awkwardly. Again all eyes were on me.

 "Are you ok, you rushed off there."

 I silently nodded trying not disturb them. I left before seeing if they were doing to foster is so I quickly signed 'Are we being fostered?'