Middle Fingers Up // Billy Hargrove x Reader

𝑪𝑯𝑨𝑷𝑻𝑬𝑹 𝑻𝑾𝑬𝑵𝑻𝒀-𝑻𝑾𝑶

"Wait, I thought you hated him-?" Eddie asks you through your phone as you sit smoking a cigarette at your window. You tried to sleep the rest of the night but couldn't and eventually, once the sun was up, you thought it was a good idea to get advice from someone who's brain wasn't currently goop. "Although, I guess the line between hate and looove is ridiculously thin." Turned out his brain was goop too after all.

"Shut the fuck up," You admonish him, blowing a large cloud of smoke into the breeze outside your window. "It's just one date, I'm not marrying the dude."

"Does he know that? You literally had him on his knees again last night, this dude is whipped." Eddie was chuckling at the idea of it, but you just roll your eyes in indignation. "Oh please, he isn't. Men like that love the chase, once I give him what he wants he'll finally leave me alone."

You knew you were lying to yourself, setting it up so that if it didn't work out you wouldn't feel so shitty. Or at least hoped you wouldn't. Your whole life, you'd had no interest in anyone - okay, maybe not your whole life. But a large portion of it was spent just focusing on yourself because nobody matched up. 

So how the fuck did Billy Hargrove of all people make you feel something other than complete disgust for men? Eddie excluded, of course. When you weren't with him, it simply made you want to hide it all behind that beautiful wall of hatred in your mind that kept you safe. 

But when you were with him, in the way you were last night? It shattered all of your walls and wrapped you in blanket of hope that something better waited out there for you. 

Last night, you'd figured you owed it to yourself to finally see what was between the two of you - after all, it had almost been a year since you met and if he was still interested in you, it must have meant something, right? But this morning, your brain had control again and was overthinking at an alarming rate, telling you it was all just some game to Billy and once he finally got what he wanted, you'd be dust on his shitty boots.

"I don't know, maybe I should cancel. It's probably a bad idea." You state, but Eddie is quick to disagree with you, choking on what you assume is a deep inhalation from a joint before he speaks. "Absolutely not. Listen, I've known you forever and not once have you shown anything other than pure hated for my species. Except with Pablo the exchange student in freshman year of course, but I know you hate when I bring that up--"

"Yeah, fuck you very much for that." You cut him off. Ahh, Pablo. Your summer crush, who stole your heart for a whole three weeks before he crushed it when you saw him kissing one of your classmates. You weren't even the slightest bit bitter over it anymore and could laugh about it now, but Eddie bringing it up again couldn't be ignored. 

"My point being -- what do you have to lose by going on this date? You went on a date with Steve right? That didn't kill you."

He stressed a very good point, one that has you stubbing out your cigarette and going back to lay on your bed once more. "I don't know, it feels different to that. Like, grown up shit. I think I like him, Ed's... It's disgusting to admit, of course." You try to jest around the truth you'd shed, but Eddie sees right through it. 

"I know. I've seen how you are around him. You wouldn't rag on him so much if there wasn't something there, you don't care enough for that usually." 

You're silent as you think about his words, wanting to despise him for calling you out like that. But how could you? He was right. You were hard on Billy because you hated the fact that you couldn't actually hate him at all. 

You were slowly being made aware of all of your toxic behaviors and had to admit; it felt shitty. Things were far easier when you partied all the time to shut your head up.

"Look... You know I'll end him if he does anything to hurt you, but you don't need me to because I know you'll do that yourself and I'll be right there cheering you on. Grab the bull by the horns and give yourself a shot at happiness, baby. If it's not there, it's not there - but you're never going to find that out by moping around in your dirty-ass bedroom."

"Like you can talk, I can't even see your floor most of the time." You latch onto the topic change, defensive over all of your emotional drama being on show, but he was having none of it. "Go on the date. See what's up. You know where I am if you need me... and (Y/N)?"

"What?"

"At least try to have fun. You deserve it."

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Nothing looked right. 

You actually, literally, had nothing to wear at all in your entire overflowing closet. You were fresh out of the shower and trying to find something to wear, to no avail. Thankfully your parents wouldn't be home until tomorrow because you definitely couldn't handle your moms reaction to you going on another date, and they would absolutely be telling you off for cursing as loud as you were while trying to find an outfit.

You finger through your options and lay them out on the bed, frowning. Neither felt right, but you settle on the black cropped shirt and faded black jean skirt, pairing it with your boots, a leather jacket, layers of silver necklaces and a belt with a chain dangling from it. You had no idea what Billy had planned, so decided to settle for something comfortable and hope he wasn't taking you anywhere fancy or you'd have to bail.

Which you definitely would with no remorse. That was your idea of the worst date possible and you refused to take any part in it, even if you weren't the one paying.

The clock was ticking slowly, mocking you as it edged ever closer to 7. You glare at it, but ultimately decide to let it live for now. It was only doing its job, after all. Excuses and reasons to cancel float through your mind, but then so does Eddie's encouragement and you elect to listen to the latter for once.

He was reasonable and if he was encouraging you to do something, you knew he would only do so with your best interests in mind. 

So you'd go on this little date and grill Billy until you'd figured out if there was anything there to work for, and if not? You'd be satisfied knowing you tried something new and then abandon ship and swim far, far away.

There's a knock at the door, a taunting sound that makes you huff. He was early. That was surprising in itself. 

Dragging yourself downstairs, you pull open the door and the object of your doom taunts you from the other side, grinning from ear to ear. 

"Evenin'. Ready to go?"