𝚒 𝚍𝚞𝚌𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚝𝚠 𝚢𝚘𝚞 || yeongyu

𝖋𝖔𝖚𝖗𝖙𝖊𝖊𝖓

yeonjun had angrily stormed out of the school, practically stomping potholes into the sidewalk as he made his way home.

the younger had unintentionally made him so furious, just by existing.

yeonjun's reminiscence from the previous night had pushed him down the rabbit hole of hate for beomgyu, and hate for himself.

for never being good enough to anyone, because beomgyu always took that away from him.

yeonjun flung open his front door, unfazed by the harsh slam as it hit the wall behind it. he slammed it shut, storming up the steps without a care in his stupid little world.

it was times like this that he was grateful for finding a cheap house, so that he didn't have to worry about being evicted for slamming stuff.

he emerged into his neat room and turned to the first shelf that he saw, angrily shoving it to his gray carpeted floor. the contents clattered to the ground, some glass shattering across the floor like the crash of a wave.

yeonjun eyed his mirror with a coating of red across his vision, remembering practicing his dance routine in front of it in the dead hours of the night.

he wanted to prove to his parents that he was worth giving attention, and love.

yeonjun yanked the mirror off of the wall, watching with a malicious grin as it crashed to the ground in a dangerous mess, similar to his childhood.

he looked with hatred towards the posters he had tacked to his walls, various things on them, but one held a photo of one of the most popular dancers of his time.

with an angry march across the room, the poster was ripped from the wall and into tattered pieces, thrown on the littered ground.

yeonjun whipped his head around to his other shelf, and it quickly joined the others on his floor.

and just when he thought that was everything, his eyes landed on something far worse.

his first place trophy.

yeonjun carelessly stepped on everything that was in disarray on his floor, angrily making his way to the shining gold plated trophy, a dancer resting on the very top.

he pulled it into his grasp, gazing down at his engraved name on the bottom plaque, emotions from the moment his name was announced flooding back.

and without a second thought, he brought it over his knee and snapped it, tossing it on the floor with the rest of his stuff.

yeonjun glanced around his disastrous room, a faint smile playing on his lips at the destruction.

with a racing mind, he made his way to his bed, sitting down directly in front of it in a tiny clear area.

he snatched the blanket off of his bed and tightly wrapped it around his entire body and head, leaving only his face to peak out.

hot tears crashed down his broken expression, slipping into the blanket and creating a damp spot. the tears continued to flow, until yeonjun's body began to tremble violently, body wracking with painful sobs.

yeonjun buried his face into his knees, practically suffocating himself between the blanket and his sobs, but he didn't bother to move.

his heart ached with the pain of never feeling love, instead replaced with the constant worry to do better.

to beat beomgyu.

and even though in a sense, he had, he didn't feel any better about his life.

always trying to be better than beomgyu had never filled the empty void in his heart.

yeonjun let out heart-wrenching sobs, his body slumping over to the side, now laying on the floor as he struggled to breathe.

and in a way, he wished that his breathing would stop completely, so that he wouldn't have to live through the pain of being him.

-

yeonjun had eventually passed out from his sobbing, slumped in the same position on his cluttered floor.

when he awoke, his room was plunged into darkness and he had no idea what time it was, or how long he had been out for.

his face was tight from the dried tears, his nose stuffed and his mouth dry, head full of self-hate.

(tw pills)

without trying to find his phone, he reached for his bag that he had thrown near his bed, desperately craving the small bottle that laid in there.

his hand found something rough and he immediately shook it, hearing the clatter of pills against plastic. without moving from his spot once, he dug through his bag and pulled out the bottle.

yeonjun opened the bottle and placed 2 pills on his tongue, swallowing them dry because he couldn't bring himself to move.

and then he waited.

and after 40 minutes, his wish was executed.

yeonjun began to see colors swirling with his eyes clamped shut, dizzying his mind into a whirling frenzy of graffiti.

he had decided to play music to pass the time, but now he could hardly even tell there was music to begin with.

the sounds had faded out and warped themselves, presenting them to yeonjun's intoxicated brain with colors instead.

if anyone were to see him right now, they'd see his dilated pupils and his dazed expression; the effects of LSD.

a wave of nausea passed over him, pulling him into a cold sweat, but he laughed. he laughed at the sensation he was feeling; the lack of time depth, the warped senses, and the brightly colored shapes that danced across his vision.

yeonjun never knew he would resort to drugs to cope, but here he was, floating through space as his mind perceived it.

and for once, his mind was filled with things that didn't concern him.

-

6:36am let's gooooo time to sleep now