Finding Avery

Chapter 5

Avery POV - Christmas Eve

"Alright, that's all we have time for, each of you will head back to your rooms now." I hear and snap out of my daydream. You know, the one where none of this real.

"Avery, hold up." I groan at Dr. Morton.

"Hey. You've been coming to this group almost every day and you still haven't shared with the group yet." She says.

I shrug, "N-Nothing to share. I don't kn-know these kids. O-o-only coming buh-because y-you're fuh-forcing me t-to. And Al-Alex too." I say slowly.

'That and I sound stupid when I talk as slow as I have to to form a fucking sentence.' I think to myself.

She looks at me, "You have plenty to share and all of these kids are going through some form of grief too. Just like you."

I groan again at the word grief. I'm over hearing it. Hearing it in my sessions with Dr. Morton, hearing Alex and my family use it. I'm just over all of it.

I nod, "Yeeeeeah. M-m-maybe."

"My bit of homework is for you to share at least one thing going through that brain of yours with someone. Could be anyone. Alright?"

"F-Fine." I stare at her.

"Hi Dr. Morton! Hi baby sis!" I turn and see Alex walking up. She kisses my head, "How'd we do?"

"Well we're really great at daydreaming, isn't that right Avery? But we have some homework that will be done, yeah Avery?"

I give her a weak thumbs up and look at Alex, "G-go sleep?"

"Nope. We've got traditions for Christmas."

I whine, "N-no. Don't waaant to."

"You do. You just won't admit it. Pajamas, movies, sister time. Jen and Jeri are here too. You'll probably fall asleep anyway after your dose."

'My dose.' A cocktail of painkiller, anti-anxiety, and an anti-depressant.

She grabs my chair and looks at Dr. Morton, "Merry Christmas!"

"Did you talk to any of the other kids today, Ave?" She asks.

I shake my head. She stops pushing me and squats in front of me.

"Why not? You know, they've all been through something similar, might be good for you."

I shrug. She stares at me and sighs, then nods.

She stands up and walks behind me and feel her lean down and kiss my head, "Please just try. I hate seeing you like this."

I just hang my head and point forward.

I know I'm disappointing her and pretty much everyone. Nothing new there, I've been doing that since-

I shake my head.

"What. What's wrong, Ave."

'Tell one person one thing going through my brain.'

"D-disapp-pointing yooouu." I say slowly and quietly.

She stops walking and finds a chair. She sits and pulls me towards her.

"You're not disappointing me, Avery. I know this is hard. I know you're upset and depressed and in pain. I'm worried. Everyone is worried, don't mistake that for disappointment. Alright?"

She continues, "Listen, I know things have been tense between us for a long time and that you're mad that I left for college still, but I had to go. And everything that came after that, well, I had to do a lot of that too. I feel like you're old enough now to understand. I should've made family more of a priority, made you more of a priority. And I'm sorry that I didn't. I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you from anything bad or scary that happened. I'm sorry that I missed games and big moments for you, I promise that I didn't want to. I wanted to be there for you and I wasn't. But that's going to change, alright? I'm here now and I'm not going anywhere again." She says firmly.