Guilty Pleasure 01: Pain After Vodka

Pleasure 38

"Would you mind get me water before you leave?" utos pa niya sa akin kaya napakamot na ako sa aking ulo.

Dabog akong nagtungo sa kanyang fridge at kinuha ang pitsel, nagsalin ako ng tubig at kaagad na bumaling.

"Ito na," inis kong saad bago ko ilapag sa side table niya ngunit...

"Iabot mo sa akin," magaspang niyang saad, nanghihina.

Napapikit ako dahil sa pagpipigil. Matapos ang mahaba kong araw iyon pa ang gagawin ko, magiging utusan ng lasing.

Inabot ko sa kanyang kamay ang kanyang tubig. Dim ang lights ng kanyang kuwarto kaya siguro hindi niya ako namumukhaan.

"Dahan-dahan mabasa ang higaan mo." Inis kong saad.

"Edi maganda para swimming pool," sagot niya lamang at natatawa.

Uminom siya saglit at inabot ulit sa akin ang kanyang tubig.

"You know what..." nagsalita siyang muli.

"I lost the girl I love because of my life. Damn." Naestatwa ako nang marinig iyon. Napalunok ako kaagad at hindi nagsalita.

"She's the best thing that happened to my life. She broke up with me because of me, I am dumb," mahina ang huling salitang binitiwan niya.

"It's been three months since that happened. And...and I'm still not getting over it. I am still hurt. My heart hurt." Tinuro niya ang kanyang dibdib habang nakahandusay sa kanyang kama.

While I still can't manage to go out. I can't find any words to say while listening to him.

"Galit ako sa aking sarili dahil hindi niya ako kayang mahalin dahil hindi pa maayos ang buhay ko. I don't know what to do anymore. I have money but I can't afford to have a family. All my life, no one loved me. All of the people I love leave me. Ano ba ang mali sa'kin?" matigas niyang tanong.

"Her name is Andra... I love her so much. Kahit na hindi pa niya ako nasabihan ng I love you, I still love her. She's my girl, I am proud of her because she managed to be strong after all of what happened to her. She's the strongest." He said proudly while he wasn't aware I was right beside him, listening.

Biglang lumabo ang aking mata at nag-init ang aking mata habang nakatingin sa kanya. Kaagad na nalaglag ang aking luha at kaagad kong pinunasan iyon.

Iniwasan kong hindi gumawa ng kahit na anong ingay.

"I'm so happy for her right now. She's now a model and finally, she's doing a great job. Kung boyfriend pa niya ako, ipagdadamot ko talaga siya," the pain on his voice was so visible, every words affects me and it feels like stabbing me multiple times.

He was so emotional. I can notice him trying not to sob.

"She was to most beautiful even when wearing simple clothes. In her wide and big shirt...short shorts and messy bun, it's her best. Iyon kasi ang una kong nagustuhan ko sa kanya, she's very simple woman."

"You know, she was very talkative back then, she can handle people before the darkness came into her life. But now, it was different...she's now different. Hirap na siyang maki-usap sa mga tao, takot na siya sa mga tao na baka sirain naman ang tiwala niya. Alam ko lahat ng iyon kasi mahal ko siya, mahal na mahal."

"I'm so sorry for what you've heard. Wala lang talaga akong maka-usap ngayon, ako lang mag-isa. Hindi na din ako kinakausap ng kaibigan ko. They are not messaging me if I am okay...well I am okay, I am just hurt—Oh, bakit ka umiiyak?" napatakip ako ng aking bunganga para pigilan ang aking hikbi.

Hindi ko inaasahan na pinagdaan niya ang lahat ng iyon. Hindi ko alam na nasasaktan rin siya, na parehas kaming nasaktan dahil sa buhay na nangyari sa amin. Hindi ko alam na mahal na mahal niya ako.