The Harsh life

Chapter 2

"No I won't." He kisses the back of my neck.

"Will you call Matteo?" I ask.

Matteo is my brother. Twin brother and well he was the only person who ever stood up for me. The only person who ever cared and showed me love until Gio. But Gio showed me a different kind of love to the love Matteo has always given me.

"Now?" Gio asks.

"No. I'm tired. Maybe for him to come round tomorrow?" I suggest and Matteo nods.

"That's okay. I'll call him first thing in the morning." He tells me and I just nod slowly.

"Get some sleep." He whispers and I nod. He doesn't have to tell me twice. I hold his forearm tightly and just close my eyes and wait for sleep.

****
"You up?" Gio whispers.

I've been up for hours. I'm exhausted. I don't even have the energy to tell him I'm awake. If Gio is waking up it's gotta be about 5am. He gets up around five every morning and goes over to Jax's so they can work out together.

He leans over me to check that I am awake before he turns me in his direction.

"Why didn't you wake me?" He asks and I shrug. I didn't think I had to wake him up.

"I'll go get some coffee." He kisses the tip of my nose, grabs his phone and heads downstairs.

I just stay completely still. I don't even know if I'm breathing or blinking. I just know that I'm tired.

When Gio comes back he's got my favourite cookies and some coffee.

He puts them down and sits back down on the bed.

He sits me up against the headboard and I just stare straight ahead.

"Matteo's on his way." He tells me. I just nod. Matteo, my brother.

He puts the coffee mug in my hand. The coffee is boiling now.

"You hungry?" He asks and dips the cookie into the mug. I don't answer him but the growl in my stomach does. As much as I'm physically hungry I'm not actually hungry.

I take a bite of the cookie anyway but immediately feel sick. I shake my head so Gio just puts the rest of the cookie down.

"Coffee?" He asks and holds it up to me again. I nod slowly and he just holds it up against my lips.

I don't move to hold the mug I just let him carefully pour it down my throat.

I take three sips before turning my head away from him. I realise I haven't actually spoken a word to Gio today. I do feel bad considering all he's actually doing for me but no words are coming out. There's nothing to say.

I feel sick.

I go to open my mouth to tell Gio I'm sorry again but our bedroom door opens instead.

"Sorella mia, stai bene? Come ti senti?" My sister, are you okay? How are you feeling? Matteo kicks his shoes off then climbs into bed right between Gio and I.

He turns on his side to me and I start crying again.

I try to tell him how I'm feeling. The pain and everything but it's like my mouth is glued closed.

Matteo turns round and whispers to Gio.

The three of us just lie in bed. It's not weird either because believe it or not this isn't the first time the three of us have been in a bed together.

Matteo gets stupid drunk a lot and he's a funny drunk. Sometimes he just shows up here, throws himself in between Gio and I and talks shit till he falls asleep.

"What did the doctors say?" Matteo asks. I just shake my head at him.

"You haven't gone?" He asks.

"No." Gio says.

"It's an early pregnancy. They're more likely to..." my words get caught in my throat and I just turn my head away from them.

"You don't have to hide." Matteo says turning my head back to look at him and Gio.

"You're allowed to be upset." Matteo says and I just bite my tongue as my eyes well.

"If you want to cry you can, if you don't want to don't. We're not dictating your life. We're here for you." Matteo says and I sigh.

"I'm tired." I say as I blink back my tears.

"Do you want to sleep?" Matteo asks.

"No. I'm just tired." I tell him.

"You know what we're gonna do?" Matteo asks "You're gonna have a shower. We're going to go shopping and stop by the museum, we can get some dinner. Anything you want." He tells me. I love my brother and they're all my favourite things to do. I would never pass on them, except for right now.

I really really don't want to. I just want to lay here and wallow.

"I don't want to." I tell him. Both Matteo and Gio exchange concerned glances.

"But they're your favourite things to do." Gio leans forward and holds my hand in his. I shrug.

"Okay." Matteo nods at Gio. "Let's just chill today. Are you going to work?" Matteo asks Gio.

"No way." Gio rolls his eyes.

"Okay. The three of us." Matteo confirms.

Matteo climbs out of our bed and smiles between Gio and I.

"Movie day. I shall meet you in the home theatre. Shout if you need me." He says and leaves.

I mentally groan which is followed by a scream. But anyway I slowly push myself out of bed. I love my brother and I know he always has my best interests at heart but I'm just tired.

When I get round to where Gio is stood I look up at him. He gives me a smile of encouragement. That smile.

I burst into tears.

"It's okay." He takes my pyjama top off.

He holds me directly into his chest. "I'm so sorry." I repeat as I cry into him. I would feel so much better if he would shout at me.

"It's okay." Is all he tells me. His chest is so warm against mine and I instantly start to calm down. I know what happened is chaos and deep down I know Gio isn't angry with me, I just wish he would be.

If my parents were here they would shout at me. How careless am I if I can lose my baby the first ever time I get pregnant? I should have been more careful.

"I wish you would be honest with me." I mumble. I don't even know if he heard me, until he starts talking.

"You have done nothing wrong. There's nothing you could've done to prevent it. I love you and this isn't going to change anything. Im not your parents. I love you and I'm not going to shout at you for a power claim." He strokes my hair.

"Will you still love me when I can't give you a child?" I ask. I don't know why I ask. It's already hurting, I don't even want to know his answer. I turn away, grabbing my t-shirt and putting it back over my head.

I leave our bedroom and head down the hall and down the stairs.

"Amara stop!" Gio calls behind me. I block this call out along with his others. I don't want to stop and I don't want know that he won't love me.

Gio stops me and turns me round to face him. I don't look up at him, I try to pull away.

"Stop." My voice cracks. "I shouldn't of asked because I really really don't want to know." I turn around but he pulls his arms around my waist and pulls me into him.

"I love you, nothing will ever change that." He whispers in my ears. "If we can't have kids I'm okay with that, as long as I have you." He squeezes my waist.

When my feet touch the floor I turn back to face him.

"I love you." He leans down and kisses my nose. "Toujours." He adds.

"Don't shut me out, I'm here okay?" He says and I just nod.