His Not so Innocent Tutee

Chapter 19 | Eye contact

Holding the bedsheet tightly in my fist of this new bed which I am not aware of and the room which is so spacious yet feels so suffocating.

I try my best to throw Ammi's and Aiza's loud bickering behind my ears but I fail bitterly.

Pressing my hand again my chest I take deep breath before bringing the open piece of the inhaler towards my lips to press them in between my lips, my hands are trembling so hard that I am not even able to press the cold metal down so I could inhale the oxygen it provides.

Pressing it down hard I calm myself down when the medicine goes down my throat after 2 to 3 intakes I feel less panicked.

I drop my body on the bed out of exhaustion but the heavy jewellery which they did not take away even after seeing my health itches against my neck but I ignore them knowing it is it's fixed position till night.

I feel terrible for worrying everyone on the day of my wedding. The anxiety and the panic attacks do not give invitation and come, even when we cry for longer than an hour they attack us which is terrible.

It is my wedding today and I am lying on the hotels bed where the wedding is being held.

My face is dried with tears and when I open my heavy glistening eyes I find the makeup artist sitting in the corner looking bored while browsing through her phone.

She came here to do my makeup, but because of drastic change in my health I was not able to control my tears which pissed her off, Maybe she had some other appointments that's why she was upset at me for wasting her time.

But when Aiza snapped she quickly zipped her mouth and sat on the corner. Because even if she is doing nothing she will be payed because she was already booked.

"Aayat, you need to gather yourself, every one our waiting for you down, please get up" Ammi calmly but in a hurry tries to make me stand on my leg with her words but my body is not having any energy.

"What are you asking for? She needs to get up? Who gets so sick on their wedding for godsake!" a hiss leaves my lips when Aiza yells but pulls me by my arm in a grip which can hurt someone who is already weak but not in a bad way though.

"Their is no need of any makeup, we are already getting late" with that a heavy red veil was drapped over my head almost falling down till my mouth.

"Water please" I let out gulping my dry throat which is so dry that I cough out after speaking, Ammi quickly rushes to get the water bottle from the corner of the room and Aiza sets my dress in place.

Ammi lets me take few small sips when I wanted half of the bottle to go down my throat but I do not protest—again not having the energy to do so.

I shouldn't have opened my drawer yesterday, I shouldn't have gone through my past—mine's and Abbu's memories clad in a thick Album shouldn't have been opened yesterday, I shouldn't have done that.

I sometimes really hate myself for being so emotional at times, I try hard not to cry but when one tear slips out of my eyes then that's it, my whole dam behind my eyes breaks and I wouldn't stop until it is empty.

All the thoughts—All the unnecessary thoughts fils my mind, every moment, every pampering of his comes in my mind and I can't explain that emotion to anyone who thinks I am dramatic because only I know what I am going through.

Getting married to crush or not, but even the word marriage is  life turning point in a girl's life and they always wish to have their loved one's with them when they willingly sign a contract which will change their whole life—it is an universal fact that nobody can change.