𝔾𝕠𝕠𝕕 𝕆𝕝𝕕-𝔽𝕒𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕓𝕠𝕪 | r. taylor

. 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕙 .

-𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕.-

Kash sat with us. I didn't want to leave her alone but apart from that she also got on well with the boys. So why not?

„How is your love life going?“, Kash asked, looking at us all in turn.

I just sighed and gave her a meaningful look. As if I lead something like a love life. I've never had a boyfriend and probably never will. I'll probably be the last to have a boyfriend.

„What love life? I've had my first kiss, but that's it.“, I just meant that.

If I had a love life, my life wouldn't be half as bad. Admittedly, I had had my first kiss with John, but it had been beautiful. We were fourteen, so that's two years ago. I haven't kissed a boy since then.

„With who?“,

„John, it was more out of curiosity but he was worth it.“, I said to Brian who had asked.

I didn't really care, but my kiss with John had somehow strengthened the relationship. After that we were even more inseparable than usual. I like John. He is one of the few who know almost everything about me. From my problems with my parents to my fondness for the Beatles.

„How was it?“

„Find out for yourself Fred.“, I said just winked at him.

„How about you?“, I asked the others.

It wasn't fair if only I talked about my love life and the others sat there and were silent. Admittedly, I was also interested in whether the others were in a relationship or not.

„I'm in a relationship but she's not at our school.“, Brian said and shrugged.

Brian had a girlfriend? Somehow I didn't expect that. I don't know what it was, but there was something about him that confused me. Maybe that's why I thought he didn't have a girlfriend. But I was happy for him.

„You know who I like so I don't need to say anything right?“, said John, looking past me in embarrassment.

He's liked Veronica since eighth grade and has never tried to tell her. In that case he was even more shy than me. But I've also liked Roger for a while, so I shouldn't give a big speech.

„I had a date but was a total letdown.“, Freddie said.

In summary: Brian has a girlfriend, John and I have a crush and Freddie went on a date which didn't go well. Cool. And Roger? Well he was him. We all knew he had his fun with girls here and there so he didn't have to answer either. He didn't look like he wanted to answer the question.

Kashmira and I said goodbye to the boys because we were tired and wanted to have our girl talks too. A mattress was ready for me and Kash kindly lent me some clothes that I could wear to sleep. I didn't want to go home. Not when a mother's approach was at home. I'd rather be with John or the others. Kash had music on and luckily for me she had Beatles records too.

"Twist and shout" played softly in the background while I nodded my head to it. I loved this song above all. "Twist and shout" and "And I love her" are my absolute favorites.

„And? Do you like someone?“, she asked curiously and looked at me accordingly.

I almost choked on my own spit. How did she come up with that? Was it that obvious that I liked someone?

„What makes you think that?“, I meant.

I listened to the sounds of "Twist and shout" but even that didn't change my mind this time. Music used to distract me from my feelings but this time it didn't seem to work.

„I'm not blind you know?“, she said and looked at me with a look I can't describe.

I just sighed and gave up.

„It's the blond one.“, was the only thing I said.

Kash didn't need more information about the guy I liked. I can see that she already knows who I'm talking about. She grinned at me like crazy. It was like talking to Freddie. But maybe I should talk to someone about it. Maybe it helped and I then had a better view of things.

„Why don't you tell Roger that you like him?“, Kash asked me and I looked at her with raised eyebrows. 

I want to tell him. I would like to kiss him and hold him in my arms. But as much as I want to, I'm scared. I've never really been loved, not even by Mum and Dad. I was just a puppet to them. The feeling of real love scared me. I didn't know how to deal with it.

„There are thirty thousand other girls he can have. A shy thing like me is at the back of the line.“, I said to her and left it at that.

It was also so bad to see how many people approached him without even being his girlfriend.

We talked about boys, girls that are annoying, the Beatles and many other famous bands and about the four boys. I have never spoken so openly with anyone and it was a good time. I enjoyed it.