𝔾𝕠𝕠𝕕 𝕆𝕝𝕕-𝔽𝕒𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕓𝕠𝕪 | r. taylor

. 𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕙 .

-𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐏𝐎𝐕.-

It had started raining and I was sitting in a park. No umbrella, no jacket but it didn't bother me. I love feeling the raindrops on my skin. It was like someone was gently touching you.

„Maddy right?“, someone said and I looked up.

My eyes widened when I saw Roger standing in front of me. What was he doing here? Did John told him about this little spot? Did he follow me when I left school? Everything inside me started spinning and my heart did somersaults. Or at least that's what it felt like since it started beating faster.

„What do you want from me.“, I said, trying to sound as disinterested as possible.

I hope he didn't hear the difference in my voice. I could feel the heat rising in my face as he sat down on the bench next to me. His long blond hair was wet like mine. A few of the strands stuck to his forehead and let little drops fall onto his face. The blue eyes stared at the small lake in front of which I sat down and watched the raindrops fall from the water surface.

„Why are you avoiding us? You hurt John earlier. He doesn't know what he did wrong. Did he do something wrong?“, he asked, still staring at the lake in front of us.

I know myself that I hurt John. Should I say now: "I like you and want nothing to do with you because I'm afraid of getting hurt." or what? It only referred to him, it has nothing to do with the other two. But when I'm around them, I'm also around Roger and I want to avoid that as much as possible. Nevertheless, I'm sitting here with him on a bench and trying to find an answer to his questions.

„John did nothing wrong. It's me, not him.“, I said quietly and laced my fingers together and then laid them on my lap.

Was it too much to ask that I wanted my peace? Yes. Did I enjoy his company? Yes. Should I just go and dump him? Allegedly. Why didn't I? No idea.

„If he's not the problem, then what is?“, it came from him and this time he looked me straight in the eye.

My brown ones, almost black, met his blue ones. Roger had bright blue eyes. You could lose yourself in them. They radiated self-confidence, trust and loyalty. A combination of the best qualities you can have.

And yet I couldn't get a single sound out. He upset me. He made me forget everything around me and only have him on my mind. Roger made me accept the pain.

Still, I couldn't tell him why. I wish I could. I wish I could talk to someone about this.

„I can't tell you whether I want to or not.“, I said, breaking eye contact.

Now it was me who stared at the lake and watched the raindrops. There was something soothing and distracting about it that made me see Roger as a marginal character.

„You can't or you don't want to?“, he asked sounding curious.

„If you're here to argue, then I'm leaving.“, I said to him and wanted to get up.

Nothing came of it, however, as a hand on my wrist prevented me from taking another step. He was still sitting on the bench. Even though I didn't want to, I looked at him.

My clothes were soaking wet and now his were too. What was that supposed to be? Everything was wet. My hair, my clothes, even my bra was now wet. I can imagine he just wants to help John, but neither he nor Roger can force anything.

„Please talk to John. That's all Brian, Freddie and I want.“, he said to me almost begging.

It was only now that I noticed that he, too, had stood up and was still holding my wrist. His grip didn't hurt. It was gentle and shouldn't hurt me in any way. I freed myself from his grip and grabbed my backpack.

„Good-bye Roger.“, with these words I turned around and started to leave the park.

I couldn't help but smile as I turned around. Even if there was nothing to smile about, I did. Maybe it was because I talked to Roger. With that, I walked home without looking back.