Frost Bite

I DREAM OF YOU ONLY

PART VIII I DREAM OF ONLY YOU

Looking down you search between the snowfall for any sight of Loki's castle. As Thor's chariot banks north up Bifrost you catch a glimpse of its icy spires. In a window below them there is a faint glow and within it, you believe you can see Loki's silhouette watching you. A sinking feeling takes over you as the mist conceals the castle and Jotunheim disappears with it turning Loki into only a memory. 

You are now moving North towards Asgard. Thor is beside you. You should relieved, satisfied that your decision saved the Jotun king, but all you feel is a looming sadness. If you made the right decision then why does it feel as if your chest wall has split into two? Why are your eyes wet with tears? Your stomach in knots? You look at Thor who cheerfully steers the goats towards Asgard. What was your home is now nothing more than a place steeped in memories that no longer serve you. You don't want Asgard. You don't want plenty, or comforts, or warmth. You weren't sure if you even wanted peace for you felt so willing to fight for your love. You wanted to be in the arms of your King again. To feel his hands creeping up your flesh. To see his sapphire eyes brighten as he sets them on your naked figure in his sheets. You wanted Loki, and to be his queen, and you feared all that is gold and glittered would never change that, no matter how hard the gods tried.

It's not long before Asgard's golden gates welcome you home. In the distance, the citadel of the gods shines brightly, but does little to change your dismal mood. The chariot lands inside the gates. Heimdall, Asgard's watchman, is there to greet you, as are a few of the Valkyrie. Your sister is nowhere to be seen.

"Where is my sister," you ask Anna, a shield maiden who greets you. Her eyes search the ground for answers. "Anna? Where is she?"

"She refused to come."

"I see." Up ahead you see Odin approaching on his eight legged steed. His two ravens fly about watching his every move.

"Well, if you don't mind, I will be retiring to my hall. I am tired."

"Your hall?" Thor, disappointed takes your hand. It feels warm and comforting, but unnatural.  Nothing could ever replace what you felt with Loki. "I was hoping you would be with me tonight," he says. 

"I," you hesitate, feeling badly about disappointing him, for Thor was always kind to you. "I really can't, I need some time alone. Some time to just unwind and relax a bit. You don't want me all tired on our first night together do you?"

With a nod, he agrees. "You are right my lady. Get some rest. I will send the servants to your hall with mead and food to ease your tired body."

Odin calls the Valkyrie to him, but you do not go, for you are not ready to fess up to your misdeeds. You are standing alone now facing Asgard's gates. Heimdall moves beside you as you face Bifrost and the Middle Worlds.

His says nothing at first and you wonder if he knows about your affairs, for Heimdall sees everything.

"It is a clear night," he says. "The clearest ever. One can see all the way to Alfheim from here on a night like this."

Th stars glitter like diamonds among the dancing colors of the sky. "Yes you can." But you are not looking at Alfheim, or Midgard. You are looking at a bright blue orb far, far away. Despite it being so distant you can almost feel Loki's arms around you as you stand there, holding you close, pulling you towards him. You look into his eyes which are brimmed with tears, "You left me," he says. "A king without  his queen is nothing." As you imagine this, a pain in your chest almost takes you to your knees.

The watchman takes hold of your arm as you straighten. "Are you okay?" 

"Yes." 

"You think of him still," says Heimdall.