Here, Under the Stars

CHAPTER 34

-- ASHI --

"I love you, Ashi. I still do."

I froze after hearing Magui's confession. I didn't know how to respond. My reaction made Magui's smile vanish and she turned her back on me.

"Tangina," I heard her whisper to the wind before she started to walk away and leave me alone.

I went back to my senses and I hurriedly ran toward Magui to hug her from behind.

She escaped from my hug and turned around to face me.

"I'm- I'm sorry, Ashi." She started stuttering. "I should've not said that."

"Thank you, Magui." It was all that I could say. "Thank you for being honest with me but-" She didn't let me finish.

"I'll wait for you, Ashi. No matter how long it takes, sa about ng makakaya ko, I'll wait for you." She gave me an assuring smile.

Staring at her makes me feel like de javu. It's like all of these already happened before but it was the other way around. I was so in love with her but I was waiting for Magui to love me back. She was uncertain, afraid that she'll only cause me pain. It was taking her time to feel certain about me.

We were an odd pair. I was the one taking time to piece together while Magui is the one that takes time to complete. But tables have turned now.

Magui's the one taking time to piece together while I'm the one who's taking time to complete. Magui is now certain of me, willing to wait for me to love her again but I lost my certainty in her. I'm afraid that I'll cause her even more pain and she doesn't deserve it anymore.

It's been 9 years and we still need time. Time to heal. Time to be certain.

"Do you want to do something stupid?" She asked out of nowhere.

"How stupid?" I asked with brows furrowed.

"Let's escape reality again, Ashi. Let's forget about the world for once and pretend that we're still in love with each other."

I was just staring at her while she was saying those lines. Those were the lines I told her when we escaped from reality in Elyu. I didn't know if I want to do it anymore though because every time we escape reality, I only remember how much I love her still.

I wanted to tell her that but I couldn't.

I'm too afraid.

Afraid to make another mistake.

Afraid to cause her more pain.

Afraid that I'll lose her forever.

If only things aren't this complicated. If only we didn't destroy each other extremely. If only it was a misunderstanding. But a lot of big things happened that are not easy to forget.

Magui suffered alone because I refused to listen.

Magui's friends left her for me because I played the victim.

Magui lost Solace because I wanted justice for myself.

Magui didn't have her solo concert because I wanted her to stay.

I was the first one to fall but Magui fell harder.

She loved me more than I love her.

She suffered a lot because she chose to love me.

Am I willing to take that risk again? I don't think I am.

"What do you say?" I went back to my senses when Magui reached her hand in front of me.