jenae is forced to move into an apartment with her ex-best friend, vinnie. it's awkward since things became rocky before the two separated, but now jenae needs him to fake as her boyfriend.
fyi, never fake a proposal at a restaurant for complimenta...
the night my mom left i remember it as if it wasn't many years ago.
i was 5. jamila was 8.
the rain and tree branch near our window harshly tapped on the glass. the bedroom was dark and not even our tv could block out the noises. the noises that included our parents yelling downstairs.
"i can't do this anymore DeWayne!" mom shouted.
"you're drunk tina, just lower your voice and we can talk about this when you're sober."
my stomach constantly twisted as i lay in jamila's arms, forcing myself to sleep. i knew she was awake because i could feel her crying. the hicks in her breathing, and the inaudible cries as she hugged me tightly.
at that age, i was too little to understand what the argument was about, but i knew it had to be something serious.
everything was so loud.
the tree. the rain. the thunder. my parents. objects falling.
all of it.
"i don't need any of you!"
my eyes were still shut, but tears fell onto the pillow.
"you don't mean that valentine! drop your voice before the girls hear." dad hushes her.
but jamila began to cry heavier and her silent cries turn into heavy sobs.
i sat up rubbing tears and looked over my shoulder. "mia what's going on?" i asked, but she didn't answer. instead, she removed her arms from around me and turns her back, to me, curling up and continuing to weep.
of curiosity, i crawled out of the bed and walked to the edge of the stairs. my eyes begin to water at the sight of plates broken, cereal on the floor, and dad's plants thrown.
and in the middle of it all, mom was on her knees, covering her face with her hands and mumbling incoherent things while choking on her sobs.
what's going on?
"mommy," i whined, stepping down the stairs and rushing to comfort her.
i didn't want her to cry.
her sobs slowed, and she swiped at her eyes as more tears formed. finally, she removed her hands from her face and i fully could see her. her lashes were soaked and her eyes were red and swollen.
"coco, i'm so sorry," she said, reaching to accept my hug. her hands made soothing circular motions on my back and she rested her head on my shoulder. "you don't understand baby."
"enough valentina! she doesn't need to hear any of this or be any more involved than she is." dad snaps.
but she ignores him and continues looking me in the eyes as she says, "i love you...i really do. but i hate being your mother." giving me a soft smile, a blank stare, and caressing my cheek.
my heart stopped.
i watched as she stands tall again and glimpsed at dad one last time. she grabbed her bag and keys from the kitchen table and murmured to dad, "you don't understand that my body hasn't been the same. this...scar is so disgusting and it's because of her. and now he doesn't even want me." she sniffed.
"jenae don't listen to her." dad rushes to me, to protect my ears from her harsh words. but it was no use.
"don't leave mommy." my pathetic voice cracked.
yet, she only scuffed at me and kept walking to the front door. when the door opened, it displayed a brief peek of the storm. harsh winds and heavy rain.
and then, the door closed. taking all of the harsh energy with it.
i was the fault for her postpartum. for her c-section scar. her depression. her body dysmorphia.
it was thanks to me that our family was ruined, our mother was gone, and the love of my dad's life was gone just like that.
─ ⋆✩⋆ ─
"jenae, wake up we're here."
my eyes gradually open and I blink slowly. when my eyes focus, i see vinnie turning the car off and unbuckling his seatbelt. the headlights of the car shine on my father's garage door and the outside of the car is dark except for the streetlight.
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"did you have a nightmare or something" amorah pops her head in between the driver and passenger seat, causing me to jump.
she seems excited.
"i don't think so.."
it takes me a second to realize what's going on since nothing makes sense at the moment.
"oh, i thought so since you were making talking in your sleep and you have tears."
oh.
quickly, i wipe the tear away. when i step out of the car, i take a second to peacefully stretch the tightness in my legs and inhale the air around me. the crisp moist air smells like the rain has just passed.
the ends of my long knotless braids, sway with the faint summer wind as it takes leaves with it. and when i open my eyes, reality hits me.
this is the same house i grew up in and the same house mom left.
"are you okay?" vinnie comes from behind me, placing his hand on my shoulder, examining the house with me, and then glancing at me.
no.
"yeah, I'm fine." i lie, exhaling before i step on the porch.
for a second, the silence surrounds us with only the sound of crickets and bugs singing tunes in the grass. the neighborhood street is peaceful and quiet. no kids are playing basketball in the street like they used to. no houses lit with lights and music booming from the insides.
only silence from the surrounding houses.
and suddenly, every nostalgic thought slips out of my mind when a warm, soft, and veiny hand entangles with mine. beside me, vinnie's holding my hand. just like he was in the car. when i turn my head to glance at him, he doesn't look at me. he gently smiles.
finally, the door creaks open. "who is it?" dad asks, but i know he knows the answer. "it's coco and her friends." i reply, smiling the best i can.
the door fully swings open and i visibly see the smile on his face. he looks at each of us, smiling one by one, so excited to have so many guests.
"well hello!!" he smiles, pulling me in for a hug.
the smell of his familiar faint egyptian musk roll on, and the familiar warmth of his hug makes me feel at peace. my body relaxes as i hug him back, and tightly. behind him, i glimpse at jamila with a soft smile.
