I Never Asked

Chapter 4- Homeward Bound

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this I keep telling myself as I prepare to sign the paperwork that says Kota and I are going home. I take a deep breath and sign my name and date it. March 15th will always stick in my mind. A week and a half ago I was getting ready to do one last load before I headed home and now I am headed home with my little bundle of rage at the moment. She is hungry and makes it known. I have been breast feeding her for the last few days and now the bottle isn't going to work. 

The nurse looks at me and laughs and helps me get her out of her seat. She hands me my pillow and I let her do her thing. For being so tiny she is strong. She drinks every three hours no matter what. She can empty both breasts and look at me like I didn't give her anything. She is a content baby otherwise. Titty it is kid I think to myself. After she is done and has had a bottom change I pack her back in to her car seat. It takes me a bit due to my cast but I get it done. 

I get rolled threw the hallways to freedom. Onward and upward they say. I am greeted by Pops and Pip. They are going to drive me and little miss home to Texas. He would not take no for an answer. Neither would she. Its odd seeing them with out there rig aka Big Birtha. Instead they are driving a caravan. I tear up thinking of there rig because it reminds me of mine. I push the thoughts aside and focus on strapping in the most precious cargo I have ever hauled. 

Just as I think I am ready a nurse comes running out and hands me a couple of bags. She tells me they just made it to my room and she wanted me to have them. I thank her and put them between me and Koda. There isn't room elsewhere. I had a lot of stuff in the cab of my rig. Maybe too much. Plus all the guests that everyone has sent. The flowers are donated to the elderly wing, except for a few yellow roses with red tinge. And the balloons I gently popped and half folded up in one of the bags to put in our scrapbooks. 

After getting settled we start out. Its almost a full days drive if we do it straight threw but that's not the plan. Were going to stop half way to take a break. As soon as we hit the interstate I reach up for the CB Mic and I get the nod. Taking it in my hand I start to cry. The last time I had one in my hand I was saying a prayer to walk out of it alive with my child. This time its different. 

"Breaker Breaker two one this is Orphan Annie.  Just wanted to say a big thanks for all the gifts, prayers and cards, Pops and Pips just broke Peanut and I out."

"How's she doing?" "How are you?" "Its the least we can do" "Your family" and more came threw loud and clear. I smile. I am one lucky human.  I answer there questions and then add "If anyone hears or knows Pheonix let em know they are Peanuts and I's savior. I will always be in debt to them for saving us."

The channel went quiet for a moment then a voice I would recognize anywhere came back with "This is Pheonix, it was my pleasure. Nothing anyone else wouldn't do ma'am. I am glad you two are okay." I respond and we take over the channel for the next few minutes. He tells me some of the things I don't remember and are not in the report. He also mentions Boo. That last he seen she was running for the trees. I ask them to pass on the information about her being deaf to anyone that will listen. They all said they would. Boo is well known and liked, what can I say. 

After the conversation with Pheonix I am left with some sort of feeling. Like I could keep talking for hours. That I needed to hug him or something. Buy em dinner. but then again I'm not sure I can look him in the eyes. . Vaginal birth anyone? Ohh my god. I am blushing I know it. My ears are hot. On that note how about sending him a gift card? yep I like that idea. A lot. 

After our chat I look into the bags I forgot about. Guess who sent them? Just guess? Pheonix. He sent Peanut a set of newborn pajamas with bows and ducks on them along with some butt cream, some baby wash and the cutest book ever. How did he know I plan to read to her every night and this one is one I didn't have? I read it through to her once ever and laughing at the rhyming of bubbles bubbles in the tubbles.

My bag has some fluffy socks, a new pair of slippers, body wash that smells fruity and sweet. I also found a shirt in size xl. It looks like the shirt I was wearing when I got to the hospital. I know because they washed it for me. I have it in my bag. All these feelings must be from giving birth and everything that has happened in the last week or so. At least that's what I tell myself