Stowaway (A Pirate Novel) (Completed)

Chapter 17 Regrets

Elle was on her forth round of drinks when Zara sashayed up to the table. She plopped down in Miles lap.

"Hello, Darling." she purred. Then she looked around the table. "How ar-" her question stopped abruptly as her eyes landed on Elle. Zara's eyebrows shot up and she looked at the others questioningly.

They gave her looks as if they were just as confused as she was.

Elle leaned back in the chair. She studied the wall with a vague expression. She barely held the half empty mug. She hummed under her breath, then stopped. Hand shaking she lifted the mug. Misjudging the distance the rim clashed with her chin.  The contents splashed, dripping down her chin. She hardly noticed, but righted the mug and took a deep drink.

The mug made a thunk as she put it on the table. She slumped forward, her chest pressed against the table. Her hand wrapped around the mug handle in a death grip. She sighed loudly.

"Um, shouldn't someone do something? " Zara whispered.  Her head cocked to the side.

"That don go well." Harv said. "Cap'n tried on the last round. He told him to go to hell." He made sure to refer to Elles as "he".

"That's not all he said. He made a comment- or two- about Talbot and some nuns in France. " Miles said and cleared his throat. Miles to was careful to call Elle by 'he' instead of 'she'. "Pretty sure the nuns would have been offended."

Harv gave a gruff sound of amusement. 

Talbot glared at them all.

Zara lifted an eyebrow at the captain. "No comment from you?"

He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest.  The scowl on his face deepened.

"Apparently not." she said and turned her attention back to Miles.

Miles grunted, but it seemed to be an effort to hide the sound of a laugh. Talbot stood and shoved the chair back with his legs. If the wall hadn't been behind him the chair would have crashed to the floor.

Back straight he walked away from them. He remembered when Elle had over indulged and drank too much rum. Zara had rescued her before she had revealed her true gender. Occasionally he still found himself angry that Elle hadn't confided in him from the start. He knew he couldn't say with certainty what he would have done. Her duplicity had cost him many uncomfortable nights and days. Unfortunately it had started before he had learned her secret. 

He had started to doubt his own mind. For a while he had tried to drown his interest with willing company at every port. When they had been at sea and that was not an option he had thrown himself into work. He had pushed the crew relentlessly. At points he had pushed Elle harder than any of the others. He lashed out at her when teaching her the sword.

He away said it was for the boys own good. It was important for the boy to be able to defend himself. Every word was true but there were truths that he didn't acknowledge as well.

His frustration with his own ability to handle the situation nearly caused him to ban her from the ship. It hadn't helped that Harv had put her into the cabin next to his.

He had started to hate himself for obvious reasons. He had believed that he had been attracted to a innocent young boy. He knew there were men that were attracted to other men, he had never judged them. He considered it their personal business regardless of Society's restriction and views. They were adults.

His problem was first and foremost that Ella was just a child. Secondly he had never had such an interesting before in anyone of his own gender. The fact that he believed that Elle had been a child of no more then 12 or 15 had disgusted him.