𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐇 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 [slow updates]

𝟐𝟐

How do you get to this point with someone who has seen you at your worst, your meanest, most ugliest moments? Hell, with someone who has seen you naked?

"Is this weird now?" He asks, looking around like he doesn't have a clue about what's going on. "Are we weird?"

I shrug my shoulders. "I mean, I want to say no, but you're still not coming in my room."

"Because it used to be our room."

Now I'm looking around like an idiot. "So it is weird."

We keep looking at each other, waiting for the other to speak.

I don't know what he's thinking or what's truly going on in my own mind, but I wonder if going to this dinner will end well. How could it when we're in that awkward break-up stage we should have been in when I told him I wasn't happy anymore.

Telling him I think I might have accidentally gotten rid of our unborn child was easier than this is.

"I don't know, Cindy. It just doesn't feel right."

I don't say anything else. What even is there to say to assure him that it isn't weird for him to be in my room? I can't change his mind, and I'm not going to try.

So, I go in search of the latest picture of our son. With this awkward energy still flowing between us, we both look at the picture when I step back out.. Tommy tells me that our son already looks so much like me, and I couldn't agree more.

Naturally, my ex-fiancé has sharp features. Deep-set eyes, crooked nose, nice lips, prominent jaw. And the baby already has my nose and those little lips kinda look like mine too.

We talk about our baby for another awkward couple of minutes before he tells me that he thinks we should go, and then we leave.

❄︎❄︎❄︎

The whole drive to Tommy's parents' house, we didn't talk much at all, and when we did, we talked about the fact that I have a monster growing inside my stomach. A monster who still doesn't have a name yet.

When I was a kid, I always knew that I wanted to have children. So naturally, I wrote a list of names I'd like if I had a boy or a girl in my diaries up until I was in middle school. And if I'm being completely honest, most of the names are traditionally names assigned to females.

I haven't been able to find my diaries, but next time I visit Mom and Dad, I'll ask if they've seen them.

Speaking of naming the monster, the second we walk into the house, Mary—Tommy's mom—calls my baby Garrett.

What the flying fuck is a Garrett?

I smile politely. What else is there to do, gag? She'd never forgive me. It was her father's name, after all.

She finally looks at me, surprise flooding her features as if she hadn't noticed me. God, I remember the good old days when being pregnant wasn't the only thing I had to offer to people. Now I'm just a vessel, though.

"Hi, Mary."

My smile tightens when she wraps her arms around me awkwardly.

"Oh, I've missed you so much, Cindy. You never come around nowadays." She says, cupping my face.

And I rarely came around for a reason. Because while I've always seen Tommy's mother as apart of my family, as someone I love? Well, she's never had a soft spot for me at all. She's never liked me for her son, made that abundantly clear to me the first time I met her.

When I told her I wanted to be a teacher, she laughed at me. She told me that wouldn't lead to me to success. She told me it was like being a housewife for anyone and everyone's child.