FATHER ALWAYS SMILING

Chapter 38 ~~~~~

"I never told anyone, and not because of what you did. But because I knew you didn't want anyone to know. Besides, if anything, that's something we have in common."

Mia frowned. "What-what do you mean?"

I plopped down next to her, something she didn't expect but didn't move away either. "Not being believed, knowing something but people won't listen to you because they think that you're playing a joke or... they just want to pretend it's not true. And... I know what it's like to be hurt by a parent."

She laughed; she didn't believe me. "Yeah, right, your dad loves you. Everyone knows he would never hurt you."

"I never said it was my Dad." I let my words fill the silence and what I meant by the unsaid. When I looked at her, her eyes gave me the question of: "What happened?" So I told her what she wanted to know. "When I was three, my mom tried to kill me. She always pretended to be nice and sweet, but the truth was that she was mean. Never liked that I looked like my Dad and probably a lot of other stuff I don't even know about." I raised my left hand to my throat. "Sometimes, I can still feel her hands around my neck like they're still there. But... my Dad saw, and then... she was gone. I haven't seen her since." I glanced at her. "Still think everyone should have both parents?"

Mia quickly shook her head.

"Good, stop telling people I should disappear. I get enough of that from myself." I said that last part under my breath. I just wanted to get it out so I could maybe move past it.

"Huh?"

"Nothing, and leave Lukas alone."

She frowned again. "I never bullied him, I... I like Lukas. And I told the others that too."

I knew Lukas wasn't being bullied, but I did think that what she did to me might have also been because I was with Lukas a lot of the time when avoiding her and Mia's friends.

"What are you going to do?" she asked after a bit.

"I don't know. I told the teachers and the principal. Nothing changed..."

"Why not your Dad?"

I opened my mouth only for my hands to cover it.

"Amalie?"

I was going to lie. But I can't. My Dad hates liars, and I don't want to lie, but... what if she didn't believe me? It happened before, of people not believing me.

How dumb was that? After what Mia went through, what my Dad did, or still did, was something that even she could understand given her abuse.

"Because he'd do something bad." I managed to say when I lowered my hands. "Really bad. And I don't want him to. That's why I kept talking to the others, to get them to go with me, to tell the principal. To record it on our phones and get those who care to hear us out."

"Jill's parents would."

"I know, but she's scared. Afraid of what he'll do." I looked back at Mia. "Did he threaten you too?"

"Yeah, but I know it's bogus. He's full of shit."

I frowned at the word but chose to ignore it. I think that was a bad word adults used. Either way, that word felt sharp and uncomfortable to my ears. I didn't like it.

"You're sure?"

"Yeah, I know the difference between what they mean. 'I'll kill your family if you talk'? He's better off just killing me instead. But he won't because he's a coward like my Dad and Mom. If I die on accident, they won't be to blame." She scowled down at the ground and looked like she was about to cry. "Why do I have such shitty parents?"