I wanna watch their suffering without me, I wanna see who cries for me on my funeral. Who will call to me. I wanna feel their hearts breaking with the news of me offing myself.
"Finally" they might say. "She wasn't good for this world anyways."
"Wow she was being serious when she joked about being suicidal."
Will they, Care enough to even think about the reason why I did it?
I don't know what to say, the only thing I can say is that I've been suffering all my teenage years when I should be out there having the time of my life giving no fucks about the world around me instead of laying in my bed, staring at the ceiling questioning my whole existence.
Am I even real?
Are my hands my own?
Are my memories mine to remember?
My eyes,
My body,
My soul? I can't cry I can't let it out.
I can't.
Be.
Normal.
I can't be the perfect daughter, perfect sister, aunt, girlfriend even.
I let everyone down because I've been the one feeling down.
Sometimes I feel extremely low sometimes very high.
People have been questioning my sanity.
My mood swings are giving me headaches.
I'm tired of feeling these emotions all at once, Feeling everything and nothing at the same time. I'm not saying I can't feel emotions, they're
just buried deep within me. I honestly don't want them to come back up.
Borderline Personality Disorder...
I've heard they occur based on traumatic childhood experience, when you're emotions weren't validated as a child.
Nobody
Took me
Seriously.
I was always the depressed kid nobody wanted to get involved with
too much, because I get obsessed with people and things.
There is no balance and never will be.
So what's the point?
Sorrow and happiness, have sunken into the tissue of my body. Hiding under layers of skin, invisible.
Like an empty box wrapped and put under the Christmas tree to tease.
I dare you to unwrap me, don't bother there is nothing left.
Food doesn't tastes the same, hurtful words don't sting as much anymore because I've grown used to them.
What is the point of staying when There is no purpose. No life, No happiness.
Unstable relationships Extreme mood swings Risky behavior Dissociation
That's when I feel like absolute shit.
When I dissociate from my body, I would do anything to just feel, I used to even hurt myself to see if I'm human. To see I can bleed.
I'm done goodbye world.
-Anonymous
