Pericolosa

Alessia

I snap my finger at the idiot bloke as he tries to put a box clearly marked 'Kitchen utensils' in the living-room where I am reclining and watching TV.

I turn my show off and turn to him.

"Albert, can you not read? Do you not see the label?"

The old guy looks surprised.

"Oh, sorry, ma'am. I don't have my reading glasses with me."

How is that my problem again?

"What does it say, ma'am?" he has the nerve to ask. 

"Oh, so now I'm going to read it to you?"

"No, ma'am, it is just that I am far-sighted, I can't see what it says."

Whoever came up with this far-sighted, near-sighted stuff anyway? Like why is it called far-sighted when you can't see things right in front of your face and vice versa?

"May you tell me what it says, ma'am?" Albert says sounding like a timid six year old.

"I am not going to do your job for you, Abert. You figure it out or get your lazy muttonhead out of ce."

The color drains from his face, leaving him pale.

He looks at the walls, like the answers to his questions are there.

"Today would be lovely," I say.

"I'm trying to figure out how to read it, ma'am."

"Are the answers on my wall?"

"No, ma'am." He averts his eyes down to his shoes.

"Oh, now the answers are in your shoes?" 

Who hired this idiot? 

"I am not paying you to make mistakes, Albert."

Albert chuckles and I am not understanding what is so funny about this.

"Actually, my name is not Albert, ma'am. It's Diego."

"And I care because? Oh, wait I do not."

I snap my finger again towards the kitchen. "Now go. What? Do you need a gold-plaited invitation?"

"Oh, no, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am."

"Enough with the ma'am. Miss Riley will suffice."

"Yes, Miss Riley."

I watch as Albert turns around towards my kitchen, trips on an invisible object, and sends my box smashing to the floor. A bunch of my silverware and plates comes spilling out.

I am about to lose my mind with this guy.

"Derrick? Seriously?" 

He starts to speak but I interrupt him. "You know what? You're done. You are done. And I mean finished. I have had it up to here." I raise my hand over my head." with your clumsiness. Get out."

He gets to his knees and clasps his hands. "Miss Riley, please. I need this job. I have children to think about."

There's always children to think about. 

"Get out. You are officially a trespasser. And maybe you aren't aware, but trespassers get  a free night in the town jail cell."

He gets to his feet still busy begging."Please, ma'am, Miss Riley. It won't happen again."

"You're right it won't because you are fired. Do not make me say it again. Out."

"Yes, Miss Riley." He wrings his hands and his eyes dart everywhere but my face.