Azazel-The Falling Angel

6-Trauma

Azazel is laying in a heap on the ground sobbing, with wet, wracking cries escaping her mouth and tears streaming off her face onto the ground, in what appears to be the parking lot of a small gas station at night. She doesn't even notice that there is a sleek white security camera watching her from the shadows, mounted on the business.

Her whole body is convulsing and twitching as she hyperventilates and she feels clammy and warm as she sweats buckets. Azazel's heart pounds in her ears and the whole world feels like it's spinning around her.

There has simply been too much suffering and she can't take it anymore!! She can't deny the truth anymore and she feels like she has lost control over her own life. She has lost her home... lost her people...lost part of her identity. "I'm never going to be able to go back to my home..." She thinks hopelessly. "Just a demon..."

Her mind has slowed down dramatically, trying to deal with the overwhelming trauma of her situation and the serious psychological damage she now has, along with trying to think up a possible solution, while also being clouded and barely being held together by the seams. It isn't working as smoothly as it used to either.

In the throes of emotional chaos, she starts bashing her head, specifically her horns into the concrete, futilely hoping they will just magically snap off. No such thing happens though. She is just left with a killer pounding headache and blood gushing down her face from a gash inflicted on her head by the concrete, along with blood dripping out of her mouth. It is staining the tips of her graying hair, along with her white uniform and dripping into red pools on the ground. It is rather horrifying to see.

She puts her hands to her pounding headache and when she draws them back, they are red and warm. "Who got my head all red?" She asks, not currently in her right mind.

She very slowly gets up onto her own two feet, her white shoes now stained red. Her panic attack is finally starting to die down. Her body keeps twitching, spasming and shivering, almost like she's cold, but she isn't. She starts laughing a heavily disturbed laugh, a wild, deranged look in her eyes with blood dripping out of her mouth onto the ground.

"Hey lady, are you okay?" She hears a voice from behind her, stops laughing and turns around, seeing a homeless man wearing some old, torn clothing that looks like it has seen better days.
"Uhhh..." The man says in surprise and a bit of fear taking a few steps backwards as Azazel turns around, blood dripping from her head and mouth and the same deranged look in her eyes.
"No, I am not okay." She says in a cold, emotionless tone to the man, tears still trickling down her cheeks.
"Uhhh... I-I think I need to b-be somewhere else right now." The man stutters, intimidated by Azazel's disturbing, bloody appearance.

"Yes, run away, like they all do." Azazel says coldly, then spits some blood out of her mouth onto the ground. "I'm a menace aren't I? Not worthy of anyone's company!" She starts chuckling, which then transforms into that same mentally unstable laughter.

The man looks at her, absolutely horrified and afraid, taking several more steps backwards before turning around and running away. She laughs for several more minutes before finally stopping.

"Nobody wants to talk to the little ol' angel..." She voices into the empty night. "Cause I'm not good enough. I do all the work, ask all the bloody questions and here I am! Fun, fun, fun!"

She rubs her hands over the place where the cross had burned her. "Burns... painful burns...fire."

She has no idea what to do now and doesn't really have the mental capacity currently to ponder it.

She hears her stomach growl. "Mmmm... I'm hungry." She starts stumbling towards the gas station on a type of autopilot. She eventually makes it to the glass door and pushes it open with a ding sound resounding through the brightly lit store.

She walks over to a stand and starts grabbing several candy bars, a bag of jelly beans, a small bag of chips and a soda. None of it being the healthy food she would normally eat. She heads over to the counter and unceremoniously dumps her food items onto it. Remembering that she has to pay for this stuff, she starts fishing around in her pockets while the clerk turns around to address this late-night customer.

"Hello! How are you doing this late... night..." The clerk, who is a middle-aged male wearing a cap, says, trailing off after seeing Azazel's appearance.
Azazel is still twitching, and has blood still leaking out of her wounds, though not nearly as badly now, dripping onto the counter. She has stopped crying though. She pulls a slightly singed five and one dollar bill out of her pocket and hands it to the clerk who absent-mindedly takes it.

"Ma'am... Do we need to call an ambulance for you or something? You have some nasty bleeding wounds there and you appear to be cold."
Azazel simply doesn't answer as she grabs her food and walks away.
"Wait! Come back here!" The clerk's yells fall on deaf ears.
Azazel exits the gas station, setting down most of her food in the parking lot, and rips open one of the candy bars, eating it voraciously. She tries to open another but she can't manage to get it open. This sets her off, all the anger she has been storing and/or bottling up explodes.

"This stupid freaking candy bar won't frakking open!! I got banished from Heaven, my homelands for what? Being curious?! Wanting to understand and help out?! Putting a stain on Heaven's perfect damn reputation?! I was a model angel! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?! I DO ALL THE DAMN RESEARCH AND WORK AND NO ONE CARES!!!! I ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTIONS AND NO ONE GIVES A SHIT!!! GRAAAAAHHHH!!!!" She screams, starting to cry again, stomping the ground, her fists balled up, the candy bar having been crushed in her hands at this point. She doesn't even realize that this is one of the first times she has ever cussed.

She then crumples onto the ground, now crying again, her anger having dissipated quickly. She lays there for not too much longer when she hears the gas station door open.

Through her blurry vision she sees the gas station clerk walking out of the door and focus on her, laying on the ground. Even through the haze in her mind, she knows she doesn't want to deal with him. She slowly gets up into a kneeling position, feeling woozy and in pain.
"Hey Miss! I really think we need to get you some help! 'Fine' people don't crumple in the parking lot! Or... have halos for that matter. Who are you?"

Azazel starts picking up her sweets. She doesn't feel all that great.
"Why do you care? I'm just, s-some scary, bloody girl n-no one wants." She retorts sadly, feeling disoriented, woozy and a little lightheaded. Her head really hurts. She grabs her suitcase and groggily gets up, stumbling a bit.
"I care, because you look seriously injured and you were yelling and no one I've ever seen has a halo. You know, just general kindness?"
" N-Never seen an An-An-gel before? Well... You'll j-ju-ust h-hurt me too." She says, her words slurring a bit.
"Wait. What?"

Azazel starts stumbling forwards at a rather fast pace away from the gas station, ignoring the serious pounding head pain that seems to be getting worse and her increasing lack of coordination. She feels so hurt everywhere. Emotionally, physically...
The man is in too much shock to follow her as she leaves. She needs to be alone anyways.

"I am an outcast forever... not good enough and corrupted." She thinks to herself through the thickening mental haze. "Forever the makings of a demon... caused by...by...Who was it? Oh, it was Lucifer! Lucifer did this to me. She played a large hand in ruining everything..."

She keeps going, she doesn't really know how far or to where exactly, when the pain gets to be too much and she can't go any further. She falls to the ground and passes out into some grass, near a familiar suburban neighborhood.

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Sorry for taking so long to update! Life got in the way. Hopefully I didn't lose any of you. To make up for this, I have uploaded two chapters instead of just one! Enjoy the bonus (=

Yeah... Azazel isn't doing so good. Seriously traumatized, acting kind of insane, covered in her own blood, dripping from herself, twitching, shaking and with that deranged look in her eyes. And then passing out. Yeah, her sanity is on the brink of collapse. All in all, not a very happy chapter.

So what did you think? Is this an appropriate reaction?