What if I changed?

{ Day 18 }

Millie's death took the whole town by storm. Because she was beautiful, famous, and young. We didn't really like to bring it up. It's just fast because December is coming to an end. "This business is really not worth a shot.' Aubrey spun her chair around and heaved a sigh. "Look Em, it  sounds exciting at the start but I'm starting to feel discouraged.' Avery held Chris in her arms and stared at me. "Yeah, I know but we did come this far..' I tried to encourage them because this is actually my dream lifeline. But they're right, I'm turning 17 soon and achieved basically nothing. My whole year is just arguing with my mom, partying with friends, trying and failing, depression, and lots of drama. 

That day, I went to Jessica's house. It felt like she was the only one that could make me laugh again. But she was texting and giggling and laughing and repeating it. "What's so funny?' I entered her room, it was still the same, her drawings on the wall, unfinished canvases on the floor, anime playing on her laptop screen, an absolute mess. "Nothing, just that adorable guy I was talking to you about, he's super sweet. ' It's so obvious. She's falling for him hard. "You mean that fish guy? Eric?' I hate the feeling of dating. Especially seeing my best friend falling for a guy from our science tuition class and from what I know, he's 18. "Okay...look... Eric is like my soulmate, he's into art, grew up with a single mom and he volunteers at a kid's daycare,  he happens to work with  Avery.' Jessica looked at me dreamily and placed her cellphone towards her chest. 

' Have you confessed?' I am being two-faced to Jessica right now. "Well, I was thinking of going on a date, arranging a meetup at that music cafe, I just wanted to scream, he's like so sweet, I just can't resist." She continues whining the same thing over and over. "Whatever, I'm just going to get a drink.' It's an excuse for me to phone Avery more about him. "Em? Hey...what's up.' Avery's voice appeared. "Look, quick question. You know Eric Williams. Attitude during work...how is it like?' I looked around quietly and whispered to the phone. "He's actually really helpful. Goes well with kids, drew art with them, and he's even talented at playing the guitar. Why?'  Avery's tone went down. "Jessica's just going through a romance novel right now. ' I whispered quickly. "Look, I know how that feels, but just make sure he isn't like Jo....or any other jerk, made mistakes as I did...just looking out for her.' 

Her words alarmed me. She was right. Avery went through depression because of it. I'm not going to make Jessica go through the same thing. "Hey, can we talk? Like without you whining about your crush?' I knocked on her door politely. She ignored me and continued with her aggressive typing. It doesn't sound like her at all. "Okay...what?' she stood up after putting her phone near the charging dock. "Um... okay. It's not gonna be easy for me to bring this up...not trying to ruin your relationship with this guy or anything but please don't be so naive to think that he loves you but in the end, he's just gonna take advantage of you...' My words seem to shoot an arrow and pierced through her heart. "He's not going to take advantage of me. Okay? We have a special connection...look!' she rushed over to flip open her chat history to show me. I rolled my eyes and peered over at her phone, it is sweet, but it looks like 'fake sweet' .

Messages like. "You're art is fantastic. ' ' You're so unique.'  'You should show off your talent.' If I could slap him in the face...I would. "Whatever, bitch. I'm going out.' she grabbed her purse and stormed out of her room. I have a feeling this is not gonna end well. 

I biked home while listening to BLACKPINK. They're inspiring. "Emily... we need to talk now!' I don't like the way my mom greeted me. I walked into the house while she rushed to Rose's room and pulled her out aggressively. "Look- mom-' I honestly can't bear to see my sister getting treated this way. It's just wrong. "What are these?' I didn't want to look at it. "I don't know what the fuck is that.' She held a zip lock bag with Adderall pills inside. "Drugs? In my house?' she started accusing me even though she knew deep down it wasn't me. What is she trying to do? Defending me?

Or defending Rose?

"You found it in Rose's room...so how could it be me?' she shakes her head and looked down, crying. She inhales and tried to hold back tears. "Rose? You're doing drugs? Is it you?' She turned her glance towards Rose. "No...it's not me mom.' From her tone and expression, she is doing it. "You're lying' she insisted on the fact that Rose was doing drugs. 

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That's what Rose should do. But she was honest. "It is me...so?' she was so fearless that she defended herself. Over the years, mom favorites her over me. It had me questioning myself. What does she has that I don't? But at that moment, it probably shattered her into pieces. "It just felt good...' Rose admitted it felt good. I can see my mom's clenched  fists. Before I knew it, she slapped her across the face. "Do you know? How hard do I work? To provide for us? Do you spend my money for fucking drugs? Because it made you feel good? We are already in debt as it is!' Mom's words struck me. "What do you  mean?' I asked her. She looked at me as my vision blurred. "I- lost my job...for about a week. And I need help...' 

She was always so strong. But maybe for too long. I hugged her and whispered. "I'll get a job... I'll pay whatever this house needs. ' I didn't want to see her suffer. I didn't know how to do it, don't know when to start. But my sister...needs some serious help.