Rendezvous

sixty-one | lights out

"I'm not," she says as she took another step. "I realized that when you aren't happy I'm not happy either. Even if your happiness lies with someone else. I'm not happy I tried ruining your relationship, I'm not happy with the fact that you think that I could ever ruin something that makes you happy..."

but you did

"Too late," I say as I shuffle with the papers on my desk trying to avoid her eyes. "She's right. Maybe part of me isn't over you yet. But after what you pulled... I'm not sure I love you anymore."

"Alina," Lana's voice betrays her as tears started running down her face.

"I appreciate your apology, I really do," I say as I avoid her eyes. "And I forgive you because I'm not blaming you for things not working out with Stella, that's on me... I'm disappointed. Disappointed because this isn't the person I fell in love with."

Lana started shedding more tears as the words escaped my lips, "Alina, don't say that please."

I get off my desk and grab a file along with a couple of tissues, "You know if you hadn't let me go," I say as I hand her the tissues. "I don't think I'd ever would've walked away."

I give her an apologetic smile as a few tears escaped my eyes, "I have to go to a meeting. I'll tell Cleo to lock up after you leave," I say as I get out of the office and close the door behind me.

I rushed into the staff bathroom because I had left Lana to use the one in my office before anyone would question my damp cheeks.

People always tell me that telling the truth will always make me feel better, yet it was only laying heavy on my shoulder. My mind raced with thoughts of her, occasionally beating myself up for being the reason behind her tears.

But she didn't care, so neither did I.

January 7

After our talk, Lana and I would barely make eye contact or interact with each other. It was like we had just officially broken up, exactly what our friends warned us would happen.

It has been over two months since it happened and we tried our best to not let our friends notice the suffocating tension between us as we slowly started to get comfortable around each other.

but it'll never be the same again

This weekend, Jay invited us to her parents' beach house to unwind since it was too cold to get into the water.

We all carpooled together in Jay's Jeep and headed to Malibu, blasting music with the windows down and us singing along before we became the music.

"Can we stop at a gas station?" Chuck yells over the music before Jay slightly turned it down.

"What for?" she asks as she looks at Chuck through the rear view mirror.

"I already finished half of my snacks," Chuck says making us all scoff. "Please, come on, I'll be quick."

"No," Jay says sharply.

"Lana, didn't you say you were out of cigarettes?" Chuck says.

"I have my vape," Lana says nonchalantly from the passenger's seat.

"Pleaaaase," Chuck whines, and then Jay takes a sharp turn to the gas station.

"You have two minutes starting now," Jay says as she parks in front of the convenience store, and Chuck jumps out of the car.

Chuck came back exactly two minutes later with two filled-up bags of junk and squeezed herself between Lila and me.

"Cigarettes," Lana says as she put her hand out to Chuck from behind.