MY BEST FRIEND IS A SECRET AGENT, Book 3: How C.H.I.P. Took on C.H.I.M.P. and...

Chapter 29: "The Crown of Shame"

Gert struggled to climb up to the top of the primate cage where C.H.I.M.P. was still howling away.

"C.H.I.M.P., most intelligent of all primates!" she proclaimed. "I come to you to honor your amazingness! You are the greatest of all simians, ruler of all creatures on land, in the sky and under the sea."

The chimp stopped howling and turned to Gert. "You are stating the obvious," he sneered. "Now, out of my way. It's time for me to take over Vortville... and the world!"

"But your chimpness! How can you be king of the world without a crown?" Gert said, and she held up the cone-of-shame with great reverence.

"A crown?" C.H.I.M.P. said. "Yes. Of course. I must wear a crown so that all my subjects can bow down before me and prove they accept me as their great leader. Bestow upon me this crown, for I am truly the king of the world!"

So Gert walked up to C.H.I.M.P. and put the crown right on his head. But, of course, since it was designed to fit Chip's neck, it slipped over the chimp's head and rested on his neck, just like a cone-of-shame is actually supposed to fit.

C.H.I.M.P. stood tall with his new "crown" and howled at the mass of animals down below. They all bowed down before him, just like he wanted.

I pulled out my phone and got to work. Hoping against hope, I tried to get my phone app to control the C.H.I.P. 1.0 microthingy that was in the chimp's collar. I actually didn't know what to expect since Gert had damaged the microthingy from the start, so I knew it wouldn't work properly. I only hoped that my effort to control the chimp didn't make him stronger!

At first, I didn't notice any difference in the chimp's behavior. But I kept fiddling with my phone app, and, suddenly, he started snorting. He hunched over and snorted like he was sniffing all around the top of the primate cage. Then he lost his grip and rolled right down the curved cage roof and landed right on the ground right before us where he continued snorting... like a warthog!

I'd just turned C.H.I.M.P. into a warthog! The cone-of-shame was working! Then, without my even doing anything with the phone app, the chimp lay down on the ground and started flopping around... like a walrus! Then he suddenly jumped up and hopped like a rabbit!

My phone app must have been sending random signals to the damaged C.H.I.P. 1.0 microthingy in his collar, and the chimp was freaking out!

As C.H.I.M.P. went from pigeon to salamander to pot-belly pig, all the zoo animals around us didn't know what to make of him. Was this their great leader knocking over garbage cans and scarfing up garbage as a common pig? Even the gorillas and apes in the primate cage were starting to get confused. This gave the imprisoned people inside the chance to escape the cage, and they immediately started to corral all the animals back into their cages.

C.H.I.M.P. then started acting like a slug, sliming his way along the ground. And this was the perfect time for me to finally grab his collar and take it off his neck!

The chimp instantly sat up. He rubbed his eyes, feeling rather confused. Finally, he was no longer C.H.I.M.P. but just a simple chimpanzee again.

But he wasn't a very happy one. Somehow, he knew something was wrong, and when one of the zoo staff tried to take him to the primate cage, the chimp just screamed and ran off!

I was worried for his safety, but I thought fast. I whipped out my phone and turned Chip into C.H.I.P. the chimpanzee! I attached the Turbo Tail to his body, and he immediately started chasing the chimp around the zoo, both of them swinging from tree to tree, howling at the top of their lungs. C.H.I.P. was amazing, keeping up with the chimp with no problem, using his Turbo Tail to swing like a real chimpanzee. And, finally, C.H.I.P. was able to chase the chimp right into the primate cage, where the zoo guy swung the door shut.

The chimp was back where he started, back where he belonged.

C.H.I.P. jumped back down to the ground, and I quickly turned him back into goofy old Chip. "I could really use a banana!" he said, licking his lips.