MY BEST FRIEND IS A SECRET AGENT, Book 3: How C.H.I.P. Took on C.H.I.M.P. and...

Chapter 27: "Planet of the Chimps"

I realized I had to somehow bring C.H.I.M.P. out into the open.

But I had to do it fast because Dad's trigger finger was clearly getting itchy. So, while C.H.I.P. the lion tamer was keeping off the animals, I called out as loud as I could, "What're you hiding from, C.H.I.M.P.? You chicken or something? Uh... I don't mean literally a chicken - I know you're a chimpanzee - but I meant... oh, you know what I meant!"

Carla gave me a kind of a weird look. So did all the people in the primate cage. I realized if I was going to flush C.H.I.M.P. out into the open, I was going to have to up my game.

"Hey, C.H.I.M.P.! Don't you know it's my microthingy that's making you so smart and powerful? You'd be nothing if not for me!"

Still no response, but I somehow knew I was getting to him.

"How about coming out here and fighting fair? How about seeing if you can get all these animals to follow you without your fancy collar on!"

Finally, C.H.I.M.P. appeared. Standing atop the huge primate cage, he looked down upon us. "I can take off this collar anytime I want, and I'd still be king of the jungle," the chimp announced.

"Oh yeah?" I said. "Why don't you try it?"

C.H.I.M.P. reached for his collar... but then he stopped. "Because... I don't want to. I like the way it looks on me."

Carla turned to me. "It does look kind of nice against his black fur."

"You're not helping," I whispered back.

"And now," the chimp announced, "I will command all my animal subjects to run from this zoo and take over the whole of Vortville! Soon it will be all you humans in cages and all us animals running free!"

"But they won't really be free, will they?" I said. "Because they'll be under your command. You're just doing all this because you're a power-hungry wacky bad guy, just like all the human wacky bad guys who are always trying to take over everything!"

"No!" he shouted. "I'm smarter and stronger than all those other wacky bad guys! I'm smarter and stronger than everybody!"

But while he was patting himself on the back, going on about how wonderful he was, I was turning C.H.I.P. from a lion tamer into a squirrel, and C.H.I.P. the squirrel climbed up the side of the primate cage. He did it with the help of Clampy Claws, an animal secret agent gadget that I'd recently invented. With Clampy Claws, C.H.I.P. the squirrel could climb up anything!

When C.H.I.P. finally reached the top of the cage, he leapt onto C.H.I.M.P.'s back and started gnawing on his head like an acorn. The chimp screamed and started swiping at his head, trying to get C.H.I.P. off. He finally did throw C.H.I.P. off, and then he leapt onto a nearby tree to escape him. But C.H.I.P. was right on his tail, chasing C.H.I.M.P. up and down the tree.

Carla, Dad and I cheered C.H.I.P. on... but then we realized that, with C.H.I.P. gone, the animals were once again moving in on us! Carla jumped into action. Using taekwondo, she swung at the animals, keeping them all back. I wasn't sure how long she could keep this up, but it sure was cool watching her try.

C.H.I.P. and the chimp were down on the ground now, so C.H.I.P. as a squirrel no longer had the advantage. So I took a chance and turned him into C.H.I.P. the dung beetle! (I mean, I had to try it, right?) C.H.I.P. got on all fours and quickly started using his legs to roll a huge load of elephant dung into a ball. The chimp thought this was hilarious, and he started cracking up. But he wasn't laughing when C.H.I.P. rolled the ball of dung right over him! C.H.I.M.P. stuck to the ball, and C.H.I.P. kept rolling it and adding more dung, as much as he could find.

But then the ball rolled down a hill and splatted against a wall. C.H.I.M.P. climbed out of the mess, and he wasn't very happy. So he started howling, and he ran straight for C.H.I.P., ready to clobber him! I knew dung beetles weren't very good at fighting, so I had to give him another animal skill fast. But what? Maybe kangaroo skills again so he could box the chimp and kick him out of the way? No, C.H.I.M.P. would see that coming. I was stuck. I had to think of something fast.

So I made C.H.I.P. a chameleon. Suddenly, C.H.I.P. changed to the color of the wall he was standing in front of. He was almost invisible! C.H.I.M.P. looked around, confused. "You can't hide from me!" he crowed. "I'm C.H.I.M.P.! King of the jungle! King of the WORLD!"

Meanwhile, Carla was getting tired, keeping off the other animals with her taekwondo. So I turned to my dad. "Dad, we need you now."

"Yes!" my dad said, pumping his arm.

"But you can only use Slime Cannons," I insisted. "No destroying stuff!"

Dad looked a little disappointed. "Oh, alright," he mumbled. He turned to his men. "Okay, boys, let 'em rip!" Dad's men pulled out their Slime Cannons and started to hose down the animals. The sticky goo sprayed all over the place, sticking the animals together so they couldn't move in on us anymore.

Chock up a win for Dad! But then I noticed he'd also sprayed all the people in the primate cage. Everybody was all grossed out. They tried to shake off the slime which must've been really uncomfortable. And it was smelly too.

Gert von Brugen was particularly ticked off about it. "Hey, what's with all the snot?" she screamed.

But I was grateful for Dad because I could now focus back on C.H.I.P. who the chimp still couldn't find! Then I realized that C.H.I.P. being a chameleon was perfect in more ways than one. You see, chameleons have these claws that are almost like hands, great for gripping things like tree branches - and chimp collars! All I had to do was wait for C.H.I.M.P. to get close enough to C.H.I.P. the chameleon, and C.H.I.P. could just reach out and snatch the collar off his neck.

And the chimp did in fact get just inches away from C.H.I.P. without realizing it. Then C.H.I.P. reached out for C.H.I.M.P.'s collar... really, really slowly. That's the one drawback about chameleons - they move like they're swimming in honey or something. C.H.I.M.P. finally spotted C.H.I.P., just before C.H.I.P. could snatch the collar. Then he picked up C.H.I.P. and chucked him into the primate cage!

I realized I had one last chance to shut C.H.I.M.P. down. But I had no idea how to do it!