MY BEST FRIEND IS A SECRET AGENT, Book 3: How C.H.I.P. Took on C.H.I.M.P. and...

Chapter 18: "Putting the Squeeze On"

Leaving the C.H.I.P.-mobile behind, Chip and I climbed the mountain of vines just past Gert's cubbyhole home.

We knew we were getting closer to C.H.I.M.P.'s lair now. The jungle got quieter the farther up we climbed, but we could still sense animals watching us, even more than before. Then we entered a layer of mist, making it even harder to detect what was ahead of us.

I started to panic. Yes, we didn't actually have to capture the chimp; we just needed to snatch the collar from his neck. In an instant, the C.H.I.P. 1.0 microthingy would then no longer give him amazing powers of strength and smartness, and he'd become a normal chimp again. But getting close enough to grab the collar would probably not be so easy. C.H.I.M.P. was going to put up a fight!

Finally, the mist broke, and right before us, about a hundred feet ahead, was the chimp. Chip and I hid behind a tree trunk and peered out from behind it. C.H.I.M.P. was sitting on a sort of throne made of thick vines. He was just kicking back, eating bananas and mangos brought to him by a bunch of spider monkeys.

"This is perfect," I whispered to Chip.

"It sure is," Chip whispered back. "Nort, turn me into a chimp so I can have monkey servants too!"

"No, I mean, it's perfect that he's distracted and not expecting anything. All you'll have to do is sneak up behind him quietly like a snake in the grass - a real snake in the grass."

"Ooo! Ooo! Can I be a rattlesnake?!"

"A rattlesnake? Rattlesnakes make noise! I'm going to make you... a boa constrictor! Then you can trap him, and he'll be stuck!" I pulled out my phone and programmed Chip to turn into C.H.I.P. the boa constrictor.

Chip slid to the ground, his arms at his side. His tongue shot out like a snake's tongue. Then he pointed his toes back and started slithering through the grass! I tried not to get too excited, though. I remembered our experiments before, with C.H.I.P. becoming a . Those had all gone horribly wrong. I crossed my fingers that C.H.I.P. the boa constrictor would go perfectly right.

C.H.I.P. slithered so silently, no animal could hear him. Even the spider monkeys didn't notice him since they were so busy picking bananas and mangos. So, in just seconds, C.H.I.P. was able to creep up right behind the chimp!

So far, everything was going so well. If this worked out, I'd have C.H.I.P. take on animal skills all the time. If you want someone trapped, why bother using C.H.I.P. the weightlifter? C.H.I.P. the boa constrictor could do the job much better, and quicker too!

C.H.I.P. jumped up out of the grass and wrapped his body around C.H.I.M.P. It happened so fast, the chimp had no time to move. He was trapped! As C.H.I.P. hissed in C.H.I.M.P.'s face, the spider monkeys jumped up and down, screaming their heads off. The chimp struggled as hard as he could, but no animal is strong enough to fight off a boa.

All C.H.I.P. needed to do now was take the collar off C.H.I.M.P. But he couldn't do that because... snakes don't have fingers! What should I do?, I wondered. Should I turn C.H.I.P. into an animal with fingers? But then he'd lose his vise-like grip on C.H.I.M.P.!

I realized what had to be done: While C.H.I.P. kept a hold on the chimp, I had to run up and take off the collar myself. This idea terrified me. It wasn't remotely part of my plan, either for this mission or for my whole life. Up until now, I'd constructed my life very carefully so that I'd be the brainy guy behind the scenes, always with someone else out in front doing the dirty work. But today, I had to walk right up to the face of danger and give it a nuclear noogie!

I actually wished my dad was here. No, not to save half the jungle while blasting the other half to smithereens. I wanted him here to see me - not him, not C.H.I.P., but me - take down C.H.I.M.P. I wanted Dad to witness my bravery first-hand and say, for the first time in his life, "Son, I'm proud of you. You not only gave danger a nuclear noogie but also an atomic wedgie and a big kaboom floopie to boot!"

I know, there's no such thing as a big kaboom floopie. It just seemed like the kind of thing Dad would say. (OK boomer! Am I right?)

So I took a few deep breaths, trying to build up my courage, and I stepped out into the open. Feeling stronger with every step, I marched over to C.H.I.M.P. on his throne, still trapped by C.H.I.P. the boa. The spider monkeys were going nuts all around me now. Some of them even jumped on my head and started tugging at my face. I managed to pull them off, and I made a mental note: Remember to turn C.H.I.P. into a spider monkey someday if I ever need him to annoy a wacky bad guy into submission.

Finally, I reached for C.H.I.M.P.'s collar. He glared at me, but there was nothing he could do. So I cocked an eyebrow and said, "In a tight spot, eh C.H.I.M.P.?" I mean, I had to say it! All this time, C.H.I.P. had gotten to say all that funny stuff to wacky bad guys. But now it was my turn. Sure, C.H.I.P. couldn't say anything anyway because he was a snake. So, I figured that whenever C.H.I.P. was some kind of animal, it fell on me to deliver the clever quips.

"Sorry to drop by while you're all tied up," I added. Then I thought, this was fun. I could do this all day!

"It's over, C.H.I.M.P. Time to put the squeeze on."

"It's a wrap!"

"It's a jungle out there!"

"Why so quiet? Snake got your tongue?"

I know, I know, it was time to get down to business. So I finally reached out to take off the collar - and the chimp bit me! I couldn't believe it. That wasn't fair fighting!

I realized that C.H.I.M.P. really was the most dangerous wacky bad guy ever. He had the smarts of a human but the morals of an animal.

I had to think fast. I pulled out my phone and changed C.H.I.P. into bear. That way, he could keep C.H.I.M.P. in a bear hug and still be able to use a hand to take off the collar.

But things didn't work out that way. While C.H.I.P. was transforming, C.H.I.M.P. wriggled himself free.

And then he grabbed my phone!

Using my app, the chimp turned C.H.I.P. the bear back into Chip the goofy human, and he pushed us both back towards a big tree. We stumbled right into two rope traps made of vines, and, in seconds, we were hanging upside down. We were sitting ducks! - or hanging, to be more accurate.

I made another mental note: Never turn Chip into a duck. Sitting or hanging upside down, C.H.I.P. the duck would probably be pretty useless.