MY BEST FRIEND IS A SECRET AGENT, Book 3: How C.H.I.P. Took on C.H.I.M.P. and...

Chapter 22: "Again to the Mountaintop"

Now, it was time to do it my way: with gadgets!

Chip, Carla and I hiked up the vine mountain and into the mist. This was really exhausting because we were lugging all my new animal gadgets on our backs, and all we'd eaten recently was Carla's fruit salad, which, though delicious, just gave us a burst of quick energy which was now fading fast. Luckily, Chip was able to do most of the lugging because he'd also eaten Gert's cockroach stew which, though disgusting, was full of energy-building protein.

Finally, we reached C.H.I.M.P.'s mountaintop lair again, and the scene this time was even more depraved than before. Not only were spider monkeys feeding and waiting on C.H.I.M.P., all sorts of other jungle creatures were too.

Frogs were sitting on his head, massaging his scalp. Jungle birds were picking the bugs out of his fur. Ring-tailed lemurs were even rubbing his feet.

But C.H.I.M.P. was no longer alone on his jungle throne. Sitting right next to him was Gert von Brugen! And she too was being waited on, hand and foot. But being spoiled this way had quickly gone to her head, and nothing the animals did was good enough for her.

"You call that a scalp massage?" she snapped at the frogs. "How come I still have a headache?! You birds, if you find any cockroaches on me, you'd better not eat them. I'm going to save them for dessert! And you ring-tailed lemurs, while you're down there, trim my hangnails and file my corns!"

Wow, talk about power going to your head. I couldn't wait to take C.H.I.M.P. down and Gert von Brugen along with him. And that meant it was time to break out the new gadgets!

First up: The Banana-rang! I based it on my design of the Rope-erang, but the Banana-rang had a banana tied to the end of the rope, and chimps, as we all know, can't resist bananas. The Banana-rang could also be launched from a shoulder mount, so I decided to try it out myself instead of giving it to C.H.I.P. You see, I wanted to impress Carla. She wasn't too impressed that I invented the Banana-rang, but, I figured, maybe she'd be impressed if I actually used it in action.

So, I strapped it on. And it slid right off of me.

See, the problem with using a shoulder-mounted weapon is that you actually have to have shoulders. So I begrudgingly gave the Banana-rang to Chip to fire instead. It fit him just fine, and I didn't even have to turn him into C.H.I.P. for him to use it.

He fired the weapon. The banana at the end of the rope shot out and spun around and around like a boomerang, and C.H.I.M.P. immediately took notice. He swiped for it above his head as it curved in mid-air, turning back to us. And, just as I'd planned, his arms got caught up in the rope, and it tied him right up!

The Banana-rang worked! My first animal gadget snagged the chimp on its first try!

But then C.H.I.M.P. used a secret weapon to get himself free: his lips! He reached out his long chimp lips and pealed the banana that was tying the rope and holding him captive. The rope came loose because of the slick banana peel, and C.H.I.M.P. was free once again.

And he wasn't happy.

In fact, he turned my invention against me. Grabbing all the bananas he could find, he squeezed them tight, and the bananas shot right out of their peels like bullets! Carla, Chip and I had to duck behind trees, dodging the projectile fruits for fear of our lives.

And, all the while, Gert cheered C.H.I.M.P. on, proud of her creation. C.H.I.M.P. had created a gadget even cooler than any of mine! This was her ultimate revenge on me beating her at all the science fairs over the years.

But I wasn't going to give up while I still had more new gadgets to try. I opened up a pillowcase (a Danger Guy pillowcase, if you must know) and out flew hundreds of Ladybug Drones! Yes, the Ladybug Drone was actually built by Stella, but I added my stamp to it by devising a method to mass-produce it. And now they were all programmed to buzz around the chimp, drawn by his smell. He swiped at them, but they all managed to avoid his swipes and hover annoyingly around his face, driving him mad.

Though Stella didn't directly control their flying, she was able to sit back at HQ and watch the video feeds of all the drones on my bank of monitors. And even though the chimp knocked one or two away, there were hundreds more that kept at him!

But we still needed to get that collar off C.H.I.M.P.'s neck. And, for that, we needed C.H.I.P. I pulled out my phone and turned Chip into C.H.I.P. the beekeeper. Wearing a beekeeper's suit, he walked up to the chimp. The ladybug drones swarmed all about, but C.H.I.P.'s bee veil protected him as he reached for C.H.I.M.P.'s collar. But he couldn't get at it since the chimp was swatting away at the mechanical bugs, not letting C.H.I.P. get close.

I was trying to figure out a way around this problem... but then I got a look at Gert's face. She was staring at C.H.I.P., her mouth hanging open. "It's the hero guy!" she screamed. Then she turned to me and announced, "And you're controlling him!"

With all the craziness that was going on, I'd forgotten all about trying to keep my big secret from Gert von Brugen. But now that she finally knew, I actually felt good about it. Sure, Dad would probably find out too and try to shut C.H.I.P. down, but, in the meantime, I could gloat before my lifelong nemesis, finally able to make her admit that I was brainier and more sciency than she was.

"That's right," I proclaimed, "I, Nort McKrakken, created C.H.I.P. the hero guy! I, Nort McKrakken, invented the ultimate secret agent that can master any skill at just the right moment to save Vortville from certain doom. I, Nort McKrakken, winner of nearly every science fair since kindergarten, will now gratefully accept your admiration, respect and heartfelt applause as you shower upon me endless praise for being so darn smart!"

Yes, I said all that in one breath, and I almost passed out from lack of oxygen. But the feeling of pride was so great, I stood tall while my face turned blue. Then I collapsed, gasping for air. Nevertheless, finally being able to admit my supreme genius to Gert von Brugen was somehow even more satisfying than when I'd told Carla. Feeling Carla's admiration just didn't seem to compare to basking in Gert's envy.

But Gert had no intention of throwing any admiration, respect or heartfelt applause my way. "Well," she said, "that means you also invented the microchip that turned C.H.I.M.P. here into an out-of-control wacky bad guy! Smooth move, loser!"

Yes, you could say Gert von Brugen was a "glass half empty" sort of person. But then, Carla had pretty much made the same argument. But, at least she'd said it in a nicer way.

Meanwhile, C.H.I.M.P. finally figured out a way to escape the swarm of Ladybug Drones: He ate them! Snatching them one by one out of the air, he popped them in his mouth and swallowed them whole. This grossed out Stella back at HQ since, just like when C.H.I.P. the Venus Flytrap ate the original Ladybug Drone before, she was able to see the inside of the chimp's stomach. But, this time, she could see it from a couple hundred different angles, and that was really gross.

I still had a lot more new gadgets to try, but I realized I had to fight C.H.I.M.P. in other ways as well. And that's when I figured out what would finally do the trick: If you can't take the chimp out of the jungle, take the jungle out of the chimp!