Broken Ice

oh the misery

Sadie's POV *Four Months Later*

I hate who I am. I hate who I turned out to be. Everything about me I despise.

But I just can't help it.

My entire life I promised I'd always remain the good kid I always wanted to be and lead that life into adulthood.

I failed. I failed myself. I failed my family. I failed my friends. I failed everyone.

I am barely a teenager and I have the drinking problem of a middle aged adult. Claire and Nevaeh don't care. This is all they've ever known.

But I knew what it was like to have someone care about you. I just didn't realize what I had until I was too far gone.

Claire's parents were home tonight and I needed to find somewhere to stay. I begged Nevaeh to let me stay with her, but she said no.

I wandered aimlessly around the streets with my head in a knot. I had way too much in my system. And not just alcohol.

I felt like I was gonna die, if I was being completely honest. My stomach was twisting and turning. I couldn't take it anymore.

I had to find somewhere to stay... now.

I went to the last place I'd ever wanna go. Back to my house.

It must have been at least midnight. It was Saturday. I was hoping I'd just be able to sneak in and sneak out before everyone wakes up.

I've seen my brothers around. I've seen them with their friend, Johnny. I still see Soda and Ponyboy around school. Darry goes to the high school; so, I don't see him as much. I have seen him once though.

The problem is, I haven't said a word to them. Unless you count awkward eye contact as a conversation. At least I know they're ok. They sure seem like it at least.

I just needed to sleep whatever was going on with me off.

Even if it meant seeing my family again.

I stumbled down the streets for what seemed like hours, trying to stay conscious to find the house. My mind was running in circles. I couldn't get home. I didn't even process where I was.

Eventually, I made it home. I think. I wasn't sure how much time had passed. I couldn't remember what had happened five minutes ago, if I was being completely honest.

I hesitated to walk through the door. I knew I wasn't welcomed back. I wasn't an idiot. But I was just hoping I'd be able to get in without anyone noticing.

Especially mom and dad.

I turned the knob as quietly as possible. I opened the door with the small creak making the only noise.

I looked up and through my blurred vision, even I could see Darrel, Sodapop, and Ponyboy sitting on the couch. I didn't see mom or dad. All three of them turned around quickly.

"Sadie?" Ponyboy asked.

They all stood up and came up to me. I heard barking from next to the couch. Comet ran up to me.

"Shh... Comet... not now." I muttered, barely able to get my words out.

"Sadie, are you alright?" Darrel asks.

"Yeah... I'm just t-tired."

"You don't sound alright."

"I am! I am..." I said, the second time getting quieter.

"Boys! Why is Comet barking?" Mom yelled from her bedroom. I looked up, nervously.

"Uh oh..." I mumbled.

"Sorry! I dropped something!" Sodapop yelled.

"Clean it up, ok?" She said sweetly.

"Ok, ma!"

He looked back at me. I zoned out. She was so kind towards him.

"Come on, Sadie." Darry whispered. "You should get to bed."

"Mhmm..." I mumbled.

I threw my bag down full of stuff and tried to walk forward. My balance was off centered and I stumbled a bit. They all quickly jolted and tried to help me, but I regained my balance.

"Shh, mom and dad have the door open." Darry said. I think he was talking to Soda.

We all tiptoed through the house and made it to my bedroom.

I accidentally hit the wall. Ouch. I rubbed my nose and realized I was walking sideways.

"Night, pa! Night, ma! I'm going to bed!" Ponyboy yelled, quickly. I was grateful for that.

"Night, Pony! Soda, Dar, you two should follow him soon!"

"We are. G'night!" Soda called out.

I sighed and I walked in my bedroom.

"Were you drinking?" Darry asked.  Pony and Soda looked at me with a hopeful feeling.

I couldn't lie to them. They could see right through me. "Yeah." I muttered.

"Alright. I'll get you some water." Darry said with a sad tone. "Pony, Soda, get to bed. You too, Sadie."

"Ok." We all muttered.

"So will we see you tomorrow morning?" Ponyboy asked.

"I dunno." I mumbled rubbing my head.

"Ok..." He uttered. "Good night, Sadie." He whispered.

He walked out. Sodapop hugged me. It took me by surprise, but I hugged him, too. "I love ya, Sades." He whispered.

He almost never called me that. I was... I dunno. Shocked? I liked it. I missed it. It was quickly turned around by my stomach.  I groaned and felt it turn.

Oh, the misery.

"Well, I'll let ya rest. See ya." He whispered as Darry came in.

"Here. Drink this." Darry said giving the glass of water to me. Soda walked out. "You gonna be ok for the night?"

"Mhmm..." I mumbled.

"Are you sure? You're too young for this. I don't wanna be worrying about ya all night." He said.

"It's fine. I can handle it. I've dealt with this before." I mumbled.

"Yeah, that's relieving." He said. We both laughed quietly. "Well, you know where to find me if ya need something. I'm just down the hallway and I'll be there all night. Drink the water, sleep well, I love ya."

I gave him a slight smile. "Night." I muttered.

I closed the door behind him and put the water on my nightstand. I couldn't believe how fake they were. I know they don't care. I didn't believe it.

My thoughts were cut off, because as soon as I hit the bed I was out like a light bulb.