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5ive is going through something... and eui's not helping
"why do i feel like this?"
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TW// homophobia, physical abuse, physycal assult, verbal abuse, please tell me if i missed anything
2018, 26TH OF JANUARY nari never understood why her stomach would do a whole gymnastics performance whenever she thought of young-soon, yes like the girl from her own sisters group. nari would sit on her phone for hours even, just scrolling through pinterest, instagram, anything which included wlw couples or young-soon, also leading to her crying herself to sleep after her stalking session. why did she feel like this?
in her family, her father always told her that being straight was the only way, and anything but that was disgusting and disgraceful. her mother on the other hand, encouraged that love wasn't just a silly emotion which you could change. it was a beautiful feeling which only comes with the right person, no matter what gender, race, shape, ethnicity that person was, but her mother wasn't in korea with her now anyways. what scared her more was she knew her oldest brother was homophobic after he outed one of her brothers to their father as a 'punishment', and nari can just say that she had never heard cries that loud in her life.
was it the older girls lips? her hair? the way she's always looked out for nari? or maybe it wasn't love, i mean she was only 14, what would she know? *nervous cackle*. young-soon made her feel safe, like she was at home.
"that's gross," eui gagged from behind the girl as she scrolled through the soon to be idol's phone. nari felt her heart sink as she hadn't cleared her search history or anything, not refreshed her apps, not deleted the multiple stress notes she made when she was having her crisis, nothing. "this is just WRONG!"
the words replayed through nari's mind hours later, when she was restlessly trying to fall asleep but her mind wouldn't rest. her room was stuffy and silent, her clock's ticks reminding her of the word eui had used earlier, wrong. what was wrong with a little crush? what was wrong with being a female, and liking a female? god was it really disgusting that she liked young-soon. dear god, dear jesus, just anyone who was listening, please make her straight, please change the person she has become to be.
