Stop. Just Stop.

Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater!

Okay, i don't know why, but i like reading cheating stories a lot. I like seeing what kind of lies they make up, if they're creative or just plain idiotic. What i would do if i had-somehow-managed to cheat on my girlfriend.

I've recently read this book-won't say the name-about a guy who divorced his husband just because he was afraid of hurting him-not physically, of course, but with words and shit whenever they get into arguments.

And, i was like; Okay *vine voice*

Then, a year later, he reaches out to his ex-husband to invite him to his wedding-bitch move, if you ask me.

After a lot of tears and begging his ex, the ex accepts the invitation.

They go to the wedding, blah blah blah. Fast forward three years into the marriage.

Now, it's about to get complicated, so i'll name these cows. The reason i called them that is because they're all idiots in this book, the guy who divorced his husband-i'll name him Bob (The Builder)-is the biggest goat of all.

The ex-your name is Phil (of the future)-is just a love sick puppy that wants his husband back, you can't even get angry with the guy.

His current husband-Jimmy (Neutron)-is like eight years older than Bob, so you'll hear a lot about age insecurities because he's nearing thirty while Bob is still in his early twenties, and mind you, Bob kept Phil in both their lives.

Bob is an asshole.

Phil is trying to move on, and Bob just keeps pulling him back.

So, fast forward about two weeks later, and Phil gets a job at a different country in construction.

He goes there, finds a cute blonde-his name is Buzz (Lightyear)-and cheats with that blonde.

Multiple times.

The thing is Buzz didn't know that Bob was married 'cause Bob always took off his ring when he was at work.

So, Phil finds out about this-wait, no. That didn't happen yet.

Ignore that.

Um, whenever Bob came back to visit his husband, he'd like be all suspicious acting and shit. Bob gets in an argument with Jimmy, Bob runs to Phil for comfort.

Now, keep in mind that Phil is still hopelessly in love with him.

Bob makes the first move.

He kisses him, then it leads to touching, then subtract the clothes, add frickle frackle.

And, you get a cheater.

Bob has now cheated on Jimmy with his ex and a side hoe.

Jimmy is clueless until like a little after Phil finds out about the side hoe.

When Phil finds out, Phil agrees to keep quiet, 'cause believe it or not, but Jimmy and Phil are actually pretty decent friends. But, Jimmy is still wary around Phil, 'cause he knows Phil is not over Bob.

Anyway...

The terms of their agreement though, basically fuck Phil into silence. 'Cause Phil feels all guilty for knowing of his infidelity with Buzz, Bob uses Phil's love for him to his advantage.

Like i said, Bob is an asshole.

This whole book, beginning to end, made me want to punch a brick wall. But, i refused to give up on it because i wanted, so badly, to see him end up with no one at the end.

This motherfucker was getting so much ass that it wasn't even funny.

3 BIG BOOTY HOES

THREE

T H R E E

TRES

And, all them motherfuckers looked like a fucking Calvin Klein model.

It just wasn't fair.

And, among the midst of all this Bob married Buzz while still married to Jimmy.

Jimmy found out.

Jimmy made Bob choose.

Bob couldn't choose.

Bob eventually divorces Buzz after taking his God damn time.

Shit happens.

He divorces Jimmy once he realizes he still wants Phil.

So, he remarries Phil.

The end.

This was my reaction in the order that it happened;

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(ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I wanted Bob to end up old and alone so fucking bad. But, the thing was, Phil deserved to be happy. And, his source of happiness was Bob. As much as Bob didn't deserve even a speck-no, particle or happiness, you wanted Phil to have his happily ever after.

And, sadly, that means Bob gets his happily ever after.

So, bob is still winning.

He's still getting ass.

One ass, but it's still ass.